Have you been told that you need to show greater confidence & be more assertive? Or are you someone who has been told that you are too forceful & that you need to be softer & show more warmth?

Whether you are considered "too" gentle & timid or "too" harsh & intimidating, does it feel as though you are in a no-win situation? If you have been told that you must be more self-assured & strong in order to advance, you can choose to behave more aggressively -- & put yourself at the miserable risk of not being as well liked. Or if you are someone who is already quite commanding, you can decide to act in a more meek & weak manner -- but at the high cost of forfeiting a degree of your power & hard-won influence.

There is a way out of this dilemma. You can be both assertive & regarded with affection. You can be both powerful & popular. You achieve this by being more direct & more kind.

Understand directness & kindness in terms of spectrums. Explore examples of how to communicate in your own style that is high in both directness & kindness -- that is, being someone who is "lovingly honest." And become able to identify, in yourself & in others, behaviors that are not lovingly honest. Gain practical tips for becoming more direct & kinder.