The High Cost of Pretending You’re Fine (and How to Live Authentically Without Fear)
We’ve all done it—looked someone straight in the eye and said, “I’m fine” when we’re anything but. For many of us, especially if we’re anxiously attached, that mask becomes a survival strategy. We learn to perform, to be agreeable, to read the room before we speak—because deep down, we’re terrified that if people saw the unfiltered version of us, they’d pull away. But over time, that performance drains our energy, spikes our anxiety, and keeps us from being truly loved for who we are.
In this episode, I’m joined by Optimal Living Coach Shannon Wooten, creator of The Braid Framework—a powerful approach to living from rhythm, not rigidity. Shannon’s framework is built on 5 root elements: Presence, Values, Emotional Regulation, Perspective, and Romance. Together, we dive into why authenticity can feel so threatening when you have a fear of abandonment, the subtle ways self-abandonment shows up in daily life, and how to start reclaiming the parts of yourself you’ve hidden to keep the peace.
We talk about:
Why pretending you’re fine feels safer—but secretly keeps you lonely.
How to recognize the invisible cost of molding yourself to be “acceptable.”
The nervous system shifts that make fearless authenticity possible.
How to live from your own rhythm, even when life gets messy.
Small, doable steps to stop performing and start living in alignment with your truth.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re losing yourself just to keep someone else, this conversation will give you the courage—and the tools—to drop the mask, root into what’s real, and come home to yourself.
Connect with Shannon here:
Her instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannonwooten/
Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/