Welcome to No Not Them!—the show that bravely asks, "Is this really the best we could do?" and answers, "Yes. Unfortunately."

I’m Chris Brown—not the dancer, not the singer, just a guy with strong opinions and a microphone no one asked me to use.

And joining me, as always, is a man whose accent makes him sound 20% smarter and 80% more suspicious—Mike Nichols!

Today’s menu of madness includes:

Tickle that, federal agents, Elmo’s social media meltdown

Colbert getting the boot

And Coldplay turning couple’s therapy into a concert performance..

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