Just when you thought you could escape the "That's my stuff, give it back meme", we strike again
Join us for 1993's classic "Leprechaun". Just because you get a pot of gold from a Leprechaun, doesn't mean they won't hunt you down to take back what is rightfully theirs! This was Jennifer Aniston's breakout movie role, and boy was that a choice!
Kelly and Lexa were a little too high for this recording, but by God do they soldier on. Mike's hatred for smart aleck kids is at an all time high (pun intended lol). We have side tangents and a lot of thoughts about this movie. We're also on the Leprechaun's side on this one. After all, it is his gold...give it back
We also nominated Warwick Davis, the ying to Frankie Mermaid's yang, as the second patron saint of our show
Please sponsor us Dr. Squatch!
Ham-fisted Global Warming messages? In MY bird-centric horror films?
In a last minute Hail Mary, Kelly and Mike willingly sat through a second screening of Birdemic so Lexa could know how to make 90 minutes feel like an eternity.
Follow Rod, the SLR PNLS Top Salesman and Natalie, the Victoria's Secret "Cover Model" fall in love and go on several dates. Admire the many mentions of Yoko Ono's Imagine Peace website. Feel part of the action as you walk through a craft fair, and explore mostly empty restaurants. Oh yeah, and birds start attacking. For reasons unknown.
Lexa once again bravely Googles, that which should not be Googled (don't worry, she was on Incognito), Mike drops some lore on us, and Kelly refuses to let the movie use incorrect terminology about Victoria's Secret.
Join us for the worst CGI birds to date and jam out to an unnecessarily horny jam about hanging out with your family! (No seriously)
TW: if you don't want your life ruined by learning the definition of felching, avoid this timestamp: 12:15-14:14
Well we'll be hornswaggled! The Circus is in town! Or maybe it's just the clowns from the 2016 Clown Attacks. Remember that? Remember the clowns? Are we as a nation just pretending that didn't happen?
Anyway, join us for a lively discussion as we follow protagonists Mike Tobacco (yes really) and Debbie Stone through this goofy invasion. Lexa falls on the sword to fuck the non-FDA approved clowns, Mike recounts the tale of a clown funeral, and Kelly awards a character the most overly-narrow superlative. Don't forget to download Clown Jams on your CD!
Guy Fieri, please sponsor us!
*Note: We make reference to Leprechaun which we recorded before this one, but decided to release this episode first*
Weeeeeeee’re back! That’s right, your favorite comedy horror stoner podcast is re-emerging! We are starting season 2 with the most anticipated horror video game adaptation to date (maybe): Five Nights at Freddy’s! Join us for the thrilling tale of a man who sleeps at work! Yes you read that right! He’ll bravely sleep at work for all five nights. A man not afraid to bring his emotional support poster and white noise machine with him! Lexa finally plays a card she’s been dying to play, Kelly geeks out about FNAF, and Mike reminisces about all the times he cracked himself up watching the movie. You’re in for a treat!
Leftovers are the best part of Thanksgiving! Join us for stories about the funniest, saddest joke Mike has ever cracked, unhinged parents, and a potential overlap in Mike and Lexa's stories?! We also discuss Kelly and Lexa's drunken shopping antics, Lexa's initial fear of Mike, and we give everyone free Sex Ed :) Also, find out what goes on in our ~mysterious~ group chat
Gobble, gobble motherf***ers! On this blessed Thanksgiving day, we bring you "Thankskilling"! A truly wild story fitting of our show's brand. A demonic turkey is back after a 505 year rest and is ready for bloodshed! Join an unusual band of friends (?) as they try to defeat the turkey and get over deaths unusually fast. There is unprovoked eroticism, boobs, and extra small gravy flavored condoms.
In this episode, we cracked the code for a perfect Friday night. Happy Thanksgiving and we'll see you in Season 2!
It's our very first Dollar Tree movie! Kelly's inspiration to start the show: The Bad Nun. No, not The Nun, The Bad Nun. (though honestly The Nun wasn't very good either.)
Join us for yet another movie that infuriates Mike, Lexa's preferred use of time while we watched this movie, and Kelly realizing this is her "Chillerama" moment...though at least something happened in Chillerama. There's cookies, a better movie watched, and a frankly ridiculous chase scene that we couldn't stop laughing at. Won't you let us in?
More bonus content! A few of our tangents that didn't need to be in the episode: Kelly's unhinged push-up story, Mike's pitch for the podcast that never (thankfully) came to fruition, Lexa's extracurricular interests, and The Worst Idea of all Time!
Time to embark on the squishiest road trip ever! Join the recent "high school" grads on their summer getaway to protagonist(?) Drew's truly awful cabin. There's sex, sex....and more sex. It's the perfect movie to watch with your buddies! What do you mean watching sex scenes with your friends is not a comfortable experience?!
Lexa enjoys the "lore", Mike learns more about sex toys than he ever cared to know, and Kelly had impeccable timing with her edible.
Episode firsts - Butthole talk is relevant to the movie! It wasn't just us this time! And Kelly does some cat wrangling.
It...it was a use of our time.
We continue our discussion of Jennifer's Body. There's a big dance coming up, so we're gonna need some orchid corsages. Jennifer's body count is piling up -- but thankfully, Needy is able to do some research the only High School library in the country with an "Occult" section". Join us for the thrilling conclusion!
...You're still there right? You haven't left to look up "jennifers body makeout scene" on YouTube? Lol okay, nerd. (jk, we love ya)
According to Low Shoulder's MySpace page, they are playing a gig in Devil's Kettle! You guessed it, today we discuss Jennifer's Body, a movie that is already oh-so dated for the wrong reasons. It came out in 2009...yeah, think about it. Lexa has a touch of the gay, Kelly simps for her own husband (and Fall Out Boy), and Mike assures us that Megan Fox's performance as Jennifer far exceeds any of the Transformers movies.
From loose horses to 9/11 Tribute shooters, there's a lot to unpack. So much that it's another two-parter. Don't miss out, otherwise you'll be lime green Jell-o
Time for another Nic Cage Vampire movie! Hide your ant farms, because we're diving into "Renfield", a look into the life of Dracula's servant. There's fake blood, awesome fight scenes, drugs, and a cop-drama for some reason. Don your cutest sweater, grab your book of affirmations, and join us as we simp for Nicholas Hoult and discuss plans for our funerals. In all seriousness, this was a fun movie and you can tell Nic Cage was having the time of his life.
Oh hiiiii listeners! Welcome to our very first one-hitter, where we take a break from spooky movies and explore the broad world of bad cinema. We watched “The Room”. Mike ruined Lexa’s immersion and accidentally discovers what's going on with the men of the internet Get ready for more sex scenes than you previously thought there were, lazy acting, and more! Oh and our PSA: Please wash your assholes
Those are sure some sweeping views of New York! This must be the MGM classic, Vampire's Kiss. After surviving "mortal combat" (or should we say Kombat) with a bat, Peter Lowe slowly descends into vampiric madness...for some reason. There are therapy sessions, fleeting accents of indeterminate origin, and the alphabet. This movie is also the origin of the "YOU DON'T SAY" meme, despite those words not being uttered once. Safety pin on your tie and find that file!!!
A new episode, just for you! Wasn't that good of us?
Summer can't be over yet, we haven't gone to camp! Get your doctor's note and pack a bag of chips so you can join us at Camp Arawak! Be sure to also pack your crop tops and short shorts (It's the style, after all).
Don't worry about the deaths, in fact, don't mention them at all. It's perfectly safe here at Camp!
It's an episode of firsts: Lexa herds the kittens, Kelly makes the first Simpsons Reference, and Mike watches the iconic Twilight baseball scene for the first time.
Don't miss this one! Why no, no that simply won't do!
Too good not to share, but too irrelevant to keep in the episode.
We discuss the origins of "I'm ready to fuck!", Japanese toilets, and whether or not Mike is the true author of the infamous "Poop Knife" Reddit story.
Please support us so we can afford Pepto-Bismol <3
We know what our show has been missing. The ambient sound of a dryer! Not to fret, we got it ;)
Apologies if your name is Millard Findlemeyer!
Join our discussion of Quigley, Biblically accurate Furbies, a Home Alone reboot starring Gary Busey, our non-existant Patreon, and the YouTube videos we watched after this recording. Oh and maybe some talk of Gingerdead Man.
Kelly and Lexa have thoughts about "gingerbread seasoning" and Mike is frustrated with the lack of insanity
One episode couldn't contain all of Chillerama! Don't eat the blue popcorn, but do listen to our continued discussion of the movies shown at America's last drive-in! Perhaps there was a reason these had never been screened before...
Welcome to America's last Drive-in, brought to you by Jim Dandie's Old No. 2, Blump's International Pictures, and the bluest boy butter you've ever seen! On this episode, Kelly has thoughts about women who breast boobily, Michael narrowly avoids cancellation, and Lexa brings dishonor on her family (again). We brought Kaiju Monsters! Were-Bears! Anne Frank's Monster! So drive in and chill out on this week's episode!
Wait, we're still in Nilbog?! A ghostly grandpa, accusations of smoking dope, and explicit scenes involving popcorn - the most erotic of all foods - await! Put down the Nilbog milk of questionable origin and don't eat the cake! To boot - We are now available on Apple, Overcast, and Pocketcast!
Please check out an interview with George Hardy (Michael Waits) with our friends from The Horror Sanctum podcast on June 26th! https://linktr.ee/thechurchhorrorsanctumpodcast