Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offence or Arousing Resentment Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation. It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points. Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word ‘but’ and ending with a critical statement. For example: ‘We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.’ Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word ‘but.’ It makes him question the sincerity of the original praise. It seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie’s attitude toward his studies. This could be easily overcome by changing the word ‘but’ to ‘and.’ Like this: ‘We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.’ Now, Johnnie would accept the praise because there was no follow-up of an inference of failure. We have called his attention to the behavior we wished to change indirectly, and the chances are he will try to live up to our expectations. Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism. Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.