Ben really woke up and chose “marriage as a coping mechanism.” What starts as a cute little picnic (plate of wings on a bench?) quickly turns into a teenage proposal scene straight out of an after-school special— except it's more dramatic than Degrassi (how?!), we get Amy sobbing through a full-blown confession: yes, she slept with Ricky, yes, she’s pregnant, yes, her fashion still gives 2008 Ashley Tisdale a run for her boas.

Plot twist? Ben already knew. Of course he did. Ben's dad and California's premiere Long Island Italian, told him. Now Amy’s wrestling with the super chill teenage trifecta: get married, give the baby up for adoption, or adopt the baby to a nice farm with a pasture and lots of room to run around and play

Meanwhile, Ricky's still playing “son-in-law of the year” with the Bowmans, but over at Casa Juergens, George is packing a bag and sneaking out like a man fleeing a Craigslist roommate. Destination: Cindy. Yes—Adrian’s mom. The Venn diagram of drama has become a circle.

Back at school, Amy’s friends Lauren and Madison are once again acting as human megaphones, spreading pregnancy gossip faster Rob cycling to a Grindr date. Grace then gets triple-hit with truth bombs: Jack may have done more than kiss Adrian, Ricky might be Amy’s baby daddy, and—oh yeah—Jack only dated her because Daddy Deacon said so.

Adrian tries to talk to Amy to… probably be messy? Supportive? Deliver a monologue? We’ll never know, because Amy Vanishes™ and heads home to avoid school, reality. Which, fair girl, fair.

Ben is still pleading for holy matrimony like he’s auditioning for Teen Bride: The Musical, but Amy’s fifteen, terrified, and one emotional gust of wind away from collapse.