Namaste, Welcome to SAM-VAD (Together In Conversation). Last week, I shared an excerpt titled – ‘Do Arguments Resolve Anything’ from the book titled ‘The Argument Culture’ by Deborah Tannen. In this episode we drew attention to the fact that when you’re having an argument with someone, you’re usually not trying to understand what the other person is saying, or what their experience leads them to say it. Now, SAM-VAD (Together In Conversation) to the ones paying heed, is where we try to draw your attention to things that matter and the importance of your attention, because, ‘Our life’s experience would ultimately amount to whatever we had paid attention to’.
Attention: is as fundamental as food; and we go blundering about, seeking ways to assuage the craving, instead of learning how to provide ourselves with what we need, sensibly and calmly. Once our attention is drawn to the mechanism of why and what we give attention to, it is as if a veil has been stripped off and we become freer in our action and choices. And that is our endavour.
This week I bring to your attention an excerpt titled – ‘The Power of Words – Do We Use Language or Is Language Using Us’ from the book titled ‘The Argument Culture’ by Deborah Tannen, a distinguished university professor in the Linguistics Department at Georgetown University and author of many books and articles about how the language of everyday conversation affects relationships.
This book is about a pervasive warlike atmosphere that makes us approach public dialogue, and just about anything we need to accomplish, as if it were a fight. It gives us new ways of resolving our differences and uncovering the honest truth.
The Power of Words – Do We Use Language or Is Language Using Us
When we think we are using language, language is using us. As linguist Dwight Bolinger put it (employing a military metaphor), language is like a loaded gun: It can be fired intentionally, but it can wound or kill just as surely when fired accidentally. The terms in which we talk about something shapes the way we think about it and even what we see.
The power of words to shape perception has been proven by researchers in controlled experiments. Psychologists Elizabeth Loftus and John Palmer, for example, found that the terms in which people are asked to recall something affect what they recall. The researchers showed subjects a film of two cars colliding, then asked how fast the cars were going; one week later, they asked whether there had been any broken glass. Some subjects were asked, “About how fast were the cars going when they bumped into each other?” Others were asked, “About how fast were the cars going when they smashed into each other?” Those who read the question with the verb “smashed” estimated that the cars were going faster. They were also more likely to “remember” having seen broken glass. (There wasn’t any.)
This is how language works. It invisibly molds our way of thinking about people, actions, and the world around us. Military metaphors train us to think about-and see everything in terms of fighting, conflict, and war. This perspective then limits our imaginations when we consider what we can do about situations we would like to understand or change.
Excerpt from ‘The Argument Culture’ by Deborah Tannen.
I am sure that you will enjoy reading this book and find it thought provoking, to read brief overview you can click on the following link and subsequently buy your copy too:
https://www.deborahtannen.com/the-argument-culture
Enjoy reading it with your family,
