As I struggle with the upcoming 3rd anniversary of Sam's death, I am trying to stay grounded by remembering how difficult the end of his life was.   The only time I ever felt "safe" from potential bad news was when I was out of cell phone reception.   It felt normal at the time but it was far from it.  Sam didn't leave a good life behind, he left pain, suffering, anxiety, and a crippling addiction that he could not see his way out of.  He had given up. As his mom,  even in my deepest grief,  I can't wish he were back in such agony.    Sometimes it's important to be realistic.   I lost a wonderful son who had become incapacitated by the same drugs that are causing a worldwide epidemic.