For a decade, RED (Rise Every Day) January has inspired thousands to move more, feel better, and support one another through the darkest month of the year. Now, it’s taking a bold new step forward — and it starts with you.  Join the nationwide warm-up to RED January 2026 at redjanuary.com.   Join hosts Ali and Ros on Relational Lives for an inspiring conversation with Hannah Beecham, founder of Red January, as she shares the deeply personal story behind this life-changing initiative. Born from her own family’s battle with depression — watching her mum struggle through the winter blues and finding solace in simple side-by-side walks — Hannah reveals how a single act of connection sparked a global movement. At just 29, she turned helplessness into hope, creating a challenge that’s now helped countless people rise every day with gentle movement, community support, and real behavioral change.  From its evolution to a community interest company to exciting new research on its impact, this episode explores why January — with its short days and post-holiday slump — needs a splash of red more than ever. Whether you’re signing up for 2026 or seeking motivation now, Hannah’s journey is a reminder that small steps, shared stories, and self-compassion can light the way through the toughest seasons.   Timestamps  00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Hannah Beecham  01:06 – What is Red January? Rise Every Day Explained  02:34 – The Inspiration: Hannah’s Mum’s Battle with Depression  04:45 – Family Walks: Finding Connection Side by Side  06:20 – Turning Helplessness into Action: Starting the Challenge  07:59 – The First January: Small Goals, Big Impact  10:00 – Evolution from Daily Runs to Flexible Movement  11:18 – Why January? Tackling the Darkest Month  13:10 – Behavioral Activation: Science Behind the Movement  14:43 – Winter Blues, Christmas Pressures & Red’s Role  16:06 – Community Power: Sharing Stories and Support  18:00 – Red January Today: A Community Interest Company  20:00 – New Research: Measuring Real Change  22:00 – Global Reach: Anyone, Anywhere Can Join  24:00 – Advice for Getting Started: Motivation When It’s Hard  26:00 – Pets, Family & Everyday Wins  28:00 – Future Plans: Advocacy and Expansion  30:00 – Hannah’s Journey: From Personal Pain to Purpose  32:00 – Mum’s Legacy: Walking Together Still  34:00 – Call to Action: Sign Up for 2026  36:00 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways Sign Up for RED January 2026: https://join.redjanuary.com/ (Free to join, set your own movement goal) Connect with us  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics.  If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   DisclaimerPlease remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits  Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk  Music by: Stile Tree Studio  Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio  

Join hosts Ali and Ros on Relational Lives for a deeply moving conversation with Julie Russell, who shares the tender and inspiring story of her son Fraser, born with a rare life-limiting genetic condition. From the shock of his diagnosis hours after birth to the profound care provided by their local children’s hospice, Julie reflects on the joy, love, and support that defined Fraser’s two short years.   With music therapy at the heart of their journey, she highlights how it brought connection, comfort, and celebration of life, even in the face of loss. Now, Julie and hospice music therapist Vicky have co-edited a powerful book amplifying family and practitioner voices in paediatric palliative care.   This episode is a heartfelt reminder to live fully in the moment and honour every life, however brief. Have tissues ready, this is a story of love, resilience, and legacy. Timestamps 00:00 – Welcome & Honouring Fraser’s Story 02:01 – Julie’s Journey: Fraser’s Diagnosis at Birth 04:31 – From SCBU to St Thomas’ NICU: A Terrifying Start 06:15 – Bonding Through Crisis: “I Just Needed to Be With Him” 08:36 – Discovering the Children’s Hospice: A Turning Point 11:28 – Music Therapy: Building Connection and Joy 15:29 – Family Life at the Hospice: Sibling Support & Normal Moments 18:00 – Celebrating Fraser: Birthdays, Christmas, and Love 22:43 – The Final Days: A Peaceful, Supported End of Life 27:32 – Grief, Legacy, and Staying Connected to Fraser 36:26 – The Book: Collaborative Voices in Music Therapy & Palliative Care 40:11 – Why Family Stories Matter in Paediatric Palliative Care 43:34 – Co-Editing with Vicky: Honouring Lived Experience 46:02 – The Power of Music Therapy: Life-Changing for Families 47:57 – Closing Reflections: A Good Life, A Good Death 48:32 – Thank You & Call to Action Connect with us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Links to the book: Music Therapy in Children’s Palliative Care Collaborative Family and Practitioner Voices https://tinyurl.com/5n833vtd: https://amzn.eu/d/83U3jqJ https://tinyurl.com/3ybk3bbw https://julesrussellillustration.co.uk/ - Jules Russell Illustrations   Disclaimer Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Join hosts Ali and Ros on Relational Lives as we sit down with Philippa Smethurst, author of 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma, to explore the complex world of trauma and recovery. Inspired by the varied responses to the pandemic, Philippa shares her insights on trauma responses beyond fight or flight, using powerful metaphors like the trauma thermometer and jam jars to explain how overwhelming experiences can shake us up like a Coke bottle. From the isolating nature of trauma to the hope of post-traumatic growth, she offers practical strategies—like breathing exercises and self-compassion—to help release the “fizz” of trauma. With references to her book’s tools, including the “Trauma Kit” and stories like the Japanese kintsugi bowl, Philippa highlights how small steps can lead to resilience and healing. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand and navigate trauma with clarity and hope.   Timestamps 00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Philippa Smethurst 01:14 – Inspiration Behind 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma 02:22 – Understanding Trauma Responses: Beyond Fight or Flight 04:00 – The Trauma Thermometer: Too Much and Too Little 06:26 – The Coke Bottle Metaphor: Trauma’s Lasting Fizz 08:36 – How Trauma Distorts Relationships 10:38 – Judging Trauma Responses: A Common Pitfall 13:23 – The Brain Under Trauma: Overwhelm and Disconnection 16:13 – Strategies for Healing: Releasing the Fizz Slowly 22:43 – The Role of Self-Care in Trauma Recovery 27:32 – Philippa’s Breathing Exercise for Calming the Nervous System 36:26 – The Long Haul: Patience and Faith in Healing 40:11 – Post-Traumatic Growth: The Kintsugi Metaphor 44:27 – Practical Tools: The Child’s Slide Breathing Exercise 46:06 – Keeping On: Small Steps for Big Change 47:24 – Compassion and Self-Care: The Heart of Recovery 49:15 – Stories of Resilience: Terry Waite and Post-Traumatic Growth 50:58 – Philippa’s Book and Resources for Healing 51:55 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways Follow Philippa Smethurst YouTube: https://youtube.com/@philippasmethurst Newsletter: https://philippasmethurst.com/news#contactform Order 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma: https://philippasmethurst.com/bookshop (Currently £13.79 on Amazon) Blogs: https://philippasmethurst.com/news | https://talkingtrauma.substack.com/ For This Episode Trauma Thermometer: A visual tool to understand trauma responses, from the “red zone” (hyperarousal) to the “blue zone” (hypoarousal). View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/19MDNHPnfI5Y4k5xIrGGGTGvfOJOmTV7a/view?usp=drive_link Jam Jars Metaphor: From Appendix 2 of 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma, illustrating how trauma accumulates and can be processed. View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1e5gbchTdzR1wRTI7Psazw0J_v_zaNebD/view?usp=drive_link Margaret Forster’s Over: Referenced as an illustration of incident trauma. View book cover: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qk9pusrufnj_3vm-SuyKuhoLhDTmfjCj/view?usp=drive_link Breath Practice (p. 37, Chapter One): “Breathe in for a count of four, out for a count of seven, or use the child’s slide technique: inhale through your nose like climbing small steps, then exhale long through your mouth.” 20 Pathways to Resilience and Recovery After Trauma: A visual guide to the strategies in Philippa’s book. View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bXQbyBkpHenI0zG7wV84FpHRUgmumRYj/view?usp=drive_link Trauma Kit: “In a medical trauma kit, you may find a stethoscope, needles, a trauma blanket, gloves, scissors… but what might we need in a psychological trauma kit? Because trauma is often hidden inside, we need an even wider array of self-help, and other kinds of help - one size does not fit all. Philippa Smethurst’s new book is your go-to handbook.” View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/17hSkDG9KHgxtl2fdllXMnnEmi5gtHK_W/view?usp=drive_link Book Cover: Front cover of 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma. View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xmN

Join hosts Ali and Ros on Relational Lives for a heartfelt follow-on from our autism episode, as we welcome Rose, who shares her inspiring journey of being diagnosed with autism at 15.  From early signs like shying away from eye contact as a baby to navigating meltdowns and masking in secondary school, Rose opens up about the challenges of sensory sensitivities, emotional overwhelm, and finding her place in a neurotypical world. She reflects on the transformative impact of homeschooling, counselling, and embracing her passion for working with children in a nursery. Rose encourages self-compassion and openness, offering hope to anyone exploring their own autism journey.  This episode is a must-listen for those seeking to understand autism through a personal lens, filled with resilience and practical wisdom. Timestamps:00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Rose01:19 – Rose’s Autism Journey: Early Signs from Infancy02:56 – Developmental Delays and Misconceptions About Autism05:07 – Secondary School Struggles: Meltdowns and Masking07:11 – A Turning Point: Autism Awareness Day at School09:07 – Navigating the Diagnosis Process: NHS and Private Routes11:28 – The Impact of Autism on Family Dynamics13:38 – Emotional Blockages and the Power of Counselling15:29 – Homeschooling: Finding Freedom in Intensive Interests18:00 – Building Self-Awareness and Confidence22:43 – Sensory Sensitivities: Managing Bright Lights and Noise27:32 – Rose’s Career: Thriving in a Nursery Environment36:26 – The Support of Family: A Mother’s Understanding38:23 – Connecting with a Neurodivergent Cousin40:11 – Living Independently: Controlling Her Own Space42:00 – Workplace Support and Managing Masking43:11 – Strategies for Self-Compassion: Journaling and Cheerleading44:39 – Finding Balance Through Hobbies: Clay and Watercolour Painting45:35 – Advice for Others Exploring Autism47:07 – Rose’s Message: “Don’t Diss Your Ability”48:19 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways   For This Episode:  National Autistic Society: Learn more about autism and support services https://www.autism.org.uk/ Connect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/   Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode.  Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT.  We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.ukMusic by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Join us on Relational Lives as we welcome back Dr. Graham Campbell from Flint Healthcare in Sussex to dive into the world of autism in adults.  Dr. Graham unpacks what autism spectrum disorder is, debunking myths about its presentation and exploring its core traits, from social communication challenges to sensory processing differences. He discusses why autism is often missed in women due to masking, the complexities of diagnosis, and the mental health challenges like anxiety and depression, that can accompany undiagnosed autism.  With warmth and expertise, Dr. Graham shares practical advice for those wondering if they might be on the spectrum, emphasising the power of self-understanding and acceptance. This episode is a must-listen for anyone curious about autism, its impact, and how to navigate it with compassion. Resources Mentioned: https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/ https://embrace-autism.com/cat-q/ https://open.spotify.com/show/1f9iLg1OLTqphlx9EQKSZv https://flinthealthcare.co.uk/ Timestamps:00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Dr. Graham Campbell01:17 – What is Autism Spectrum Disorder?02:39 – The Foundations of Autism: A Neurodevelopmental Perspective04:00 – Gender Differences: Why Autism is Often Missed in Women06:39 – The Rise in Adult Autism Awareness07:55 – The Diagnostic Process: Screening and Assessments10:38 – Sensory Processing: Hypo- and Hyper-Sensitivity12:06 – Stimming and Individual Differences in Autism13:23 – Social Challenges: Navigating Relationships and Communication15:12 – Masking: The Exhaustion of Hiding Autism16:13 – The Self-Critical Voice and Shame in Autism24:56 – Co-occurring Conditions: Anxiety, Depression, and Eating Disorders27:32 – The Value of Diagnosis: Understanding, Not Medicalisation29:56 – Seeking a Diagnosis Without Medical Records33:42 – Autism and Work: Challenges and Strengths36:23 – Advice for Those Exploring Autism: Learn and Reflect38:33 – Would You Rather? Fun Quickfire Round40:56 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways   Connect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/  Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma?  Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT.  We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics.  If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits:Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.ukMusic by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Join us on Relational Lives as we sit down with Jason ‘Wip’ Roberts, who shares his heartfelt story of navigating childhood abandonment and finding belonging. From his biological mother leaving at age four to the shock of his stepmother’s departure in his 20s, Jason opens up about the persistent void that shaped his life. He reflects on how the 90s rave scene provided a sense of community, how his travels embraced the familiar feeling of being “lost,” and how meeting his wife, Katie, became his anchor at 30. With humour, wisdom, and a touch of silliness—including a song from his famous shed—Jason discusses overcoming emotional barriers, the courage it takes to talk openly as a man, and building a family that feels complete. This episode is a moving exploration of resilience, connection, and self-discovery, perfect for anyone seeking to understand their journey through loss and love. Timestamps:00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Jason ‘Wip’ Roberts01:18 – The Weight of Being a Deep Thinker02:10 – Childhood Loss: Jason’s Mother Leaving at Age 406:04 – A New Family with His Stepmother & the Shock of Her Departure09:35 – Embracing the Feeling of Being “Lost” in His 20s13:15 – Finding Belonging in the 90s Rave Scene18:00 – Meeting Katie: Finding an Anchor at 3022:40 – The Void of Loss & How It Persists28:15 – Jason’s Humour: A Silly Song from the Shed31:27 – A Recent Loss: Finding Closure After His Mother’s Passing33:18 – Therapy & Making Sense of Childhood Wounds36:22 – The Courage to Talk: Breaking the Stigma for Men39:51 – Jason’s Shed: A Creative Haven of Escapism41:28 – Would You Rather? Fun Quickfire Round43:38 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways  Follow Jason: Connect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/   Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.ukMusic by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio    

Join us on Relational Lives as we sit down with Will Adolphy, a psychotherapist, educator, and speaker who specialises in men’s mental health and masculinity.  Will shares his powerful story of navigating panic attacks, depression, and the pull of online masculinity influencers during his early 20s. From finding validation in rigid ideologies to discovering healing through therapy, community, and self-reflection, he opens up about the challenges of emotional isolation and the “man box” that shapes how men experience the world.   This conversation is raw, honest, and full of insights—covering vulnerability, the impact of online culture, and how Will now helps boys and men find healthier ways to connect with themselves and others through his organisation, Empath. Whether you’re curious about men’s mental health or seeking tools to navigate your own relationships, Will’s journey offers a path to understanding and growth.   Timestamps:00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Will Adolphy02:10 – Will’s Early Struggles with Panic Attacks & Depression07:45 – Discovering a Masculinity Influencer & Online Rabbit Holes12:20 – The Pull of Validation & Rigid Ideologies18:00 – Emotional Isolation & the Block to Opening Up22:40 – Breaking Free: Therapy, 12-Step Recovery & Community28:15 – The “Man Box” & Its Impact on Men and Others33:10 – Working with Boys: Modelling Vulnerability in Schools40:05 – Red Pill Culture & the Search for Answers Online47:30 – Advice for Parents: Supporting Boys with Empathy52:20 – Will’s Ongoing Journey & Building Empath55:30 – Would You Rather? Fun Quickfire Round57:00 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways   Follow Will:@psychwill https://www.willadolphy.com/   Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/   Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics.  If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.ukMusic by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Shownotes: Episode: Happily Single: Cas on Freedom, Healing & Living Life Her Way Cas joins us on Relational Lives to share her inspiring and often funny story of choosing to live happily single. From navigating breast cancer and surgical menopause to finding freedom, independence, and joy, she reflects on relationships, compromise, and why being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. This conversation is full of laughter, honesty, and wisdom - touching on family, friendship, child-free living, adventure, and the importance of creating a life that feels true to you. Whether you’re single, coupled, or somewhere in between, Cas's story is a reminder to embrace life, live it fully, and define happiness on your own terms. In this episode: 00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Kaz02:10 – Choosing to Be Single After Breast Cancer07:45 – Discovering Peace & Joy in Independence12:20 – Compromise, Overgiving & Relationship Lessons18:00 – Freedom vs. Loneliness: Breaking Social Expectations22:40 – Life Without Children & Finding Fulfillment as a Godparent28:15 – Adventures, Travel & Loving Independence33:10 – Childhood, Family Influences & Fear of Feeling Trapped40:05 – Healing from Trauma, Grief & PTSD After Cancer47:30 – Advice for Younger Women on Relationships & Choices52:20 – Embracing Adventure, Contentment & Living Fully55:30 – Would You Rather? Fun Quickfire Round57:00 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways Follow Cas @danceyertitsoffhttps://www.instagram.com/danceyertitsoff Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.ukMusic by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio"

Shownotes:Episode: From Trauma to Triumph | Jamie Rudd on Inspiration and HealingIn this powerful episode of Relational Lives, Jamie Rudd shares his journey of surviving a near-fatal car accident, the trauma and recovery that followed, and how he transformed his experience into SoulKind - a storytelling and community project inspiring hope through adversity.This is a moving conversation about resilience, optimism, vulnerability, and the healing power of stories.In this episode:00:00 - Welcome & Introduction to Jamie Rudd01:10 - The 2018 Car Accident05:40 - Acts of Kindness: The “Superheroes” Who Saved Jamie10:15 - Injuries, Hospital & ICU Experience15:20 - Optimism, Determination & Early Recovery Mindset20:05 - Learning from Other People’s Stories26:30 - Vulnerability, Acceptance & Growth33:00 - Creating SoulKind: From Book to Non-Profit40:10 - Walk the Ways Fundraising Challenge45:20 - Closing Reflections & “Would You Rather”Resources mentioned:SoulKind: https://www.soulkindpeople.co.uk/Walk the Ways: https://www.soulkindpeople.co.uk/walkthewaysAcceptance & Commitment Therapy: https://contextualscience.org/actConnect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits:Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.ukMusic by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio"

We’re wrapping up Series 1 of Relational Lives and taking a short two-week break. Thank you for joining us on this journey so far - it’s been amazing! 🎉Series 2 will be even more exciting, with more guests and real-life stories to inspire and encourage you. If you’d like to share your story, get in touch at relationallives@gmail.comStay subscribed, and we’ll be back very soon on 11th September.Connect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits:Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.ukMusic by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros take an honest, practical look at Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). They unpack what OCD really is and explore how intrusive thoughts, compulsions, and emotional distress interact. Ali explains different subtypes of OCD, how therapy can help, and offers hope to anyone struggling. Whether you’ve lived with OCD for years or are just beginning to question your thoughts and behaviours, this episode is packed with understanding, reassurance, and practical steps forward.Please note that this episode covers harder aspects of OCD including paedophilia OCD and harm OCDShownotes:Episode: OCD: What It Really Is - And How Therapy Can HelpIn this episode:00:00 – Intro02:08 – What Is OCD? Obsessions, compulsions & misunderstandings09:14 – Is It OCD or just a quirk?13:37 – The role of trauma, control & childhood experiences16:20 – Taboo thoughts & shame in OCD23:36 – Types of OCD30:00 – How therapy works: CBT & ERP explained36:17 – Challenges in treatment: Internal rituals, resistance & EMDR42:20 – Client stories & self-help recommendations43:04 – 3 takeaway tips & thought experiments📍 Resources mentioned:'Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' by David Veale and Rob WilsonBritish Association for Behavioural & Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP):https://www.babcp.comTherapy types mentioned: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP), EMDRConnect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_LivesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits:Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.ukMusic by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, we take a deep dive into the reality of toxic relationships - how they differ from unhealthy ones, the warning signs to look out for, and why even strong, self-aware people can find themselves trapped in them. We explore behaviours like gaslighting, love bombing, manipulation, coercive control, and isolation, as well as the underlying psychological dynamics that keep people hooked.Whether it’s with a partner, friend, family member, or even in the workplace, understanding toxic dynamics is the first step toward reclaiming your power. If you or someone you know is in a relationship that feels harmful, this conversation could make a difference.Shownotes:Episode: Toxic Relationships: How to Spot the Signs and Protect YourselfIn this episode: 0:00 – Introduction & what makes a relationship toxic1:06 – Recap: healthy vs unhealthy relationships3:12 – The food analogy: unhealthy vs toxic6:28 – Narcissism: traits vs personality disorder9:45 – Gaslighting explained with example15:20 – Why people stay in toxic relationships20:42 – Manipulation, coercive control & love bombing26:18 – How toxic behaviour erodes self-esteem and creates shame30:50 – Isolation tactics & “walking on eggshells”35:12 – Childhood patterns, boundaries & first steps toward change📍 Resources mentioned:Episode on healthy relationships:https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-3suv8-188c4bdEpisode on unhealthy relationships:https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-b4zgq-191258eEpisode on the inner critic:https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-p5jy5-18625d5Connect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Music by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the three most common conflict styles that show up in relationships: blame-blame, attack-withdraw, and withdraw-withdraw. With warmth, insight, and lived experience, they help listeners identify their own patterns, understand the emotional drivers underneath, and reflect on how these cycles affect connection. Whether you argue loudly or shut down silently, this episode will help you make sense of what's really happening between you and your partner.Shownotes:Episode: Conflict Styles: How You Fight & Why It MattersIn this episode:00:00 – Intro: Why conflict styles matter03:00 – Blame–Blame (Attack–Attack) Style: Fact wars & emotional explosions11:40 – What’s really going on under the blame game14:15 – Pursuer–Withdrawer Pattern: A one-sided fight for connection20:50 – The still face, shutdowns, and how withdrawal fuels escalation27:40 – Text message tension: Modern conflict and emotional distance30:10 – Withdraw–Withdraw Style: The silent disconnect34:30 – Is no conflict really a problem? When disconnection feels safe38:15 – How to recognise your style & what to do with it42:32 – 3 Takeaway Tips + 'Would You Rather' segment📍 Resources mentioned:'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson (book + online course0Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - Therapy model underpinning the conflict stylesStill Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick – Referenced during the withdrawal discussionUnderstanding attachment styles:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726Negative relationship cycles:Connect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_LivesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Music by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros dive into the concept of negative cycles in relationships - the invisible patterns we fall into when things go wrong with our partners. Whether you’re a “pursuer,” “withdrawer,” or locked in blame–blame dynamics, this episode breaks down what’s really going on beneath the surface. Using relatable examples (including that infamous dishwasher debate!), they explain how these emotional loops are driven by vulnerability, attachment, and unspoken needs. With practical metaphors like the “infinity loop” and the “main floor vs. basement,” Ali and Ros offer insights that can transform how you relate and repair.Whether you're in a long-term relationship or reflecting on your own patterns, this is essential listening for building connection, safety, and understanding.Shownotes:Episode: The Negative Relationship Cycle You Need to KnowIn this episode:00:00 – Introduction & why understanding negative cycles matters04:08 – The Infinity Loop: How couples get stuck08:10 – Pursuer–Withdrawer Cycle: The dishwasher example14:03 – Why we react the way we do: emotion beneath the behaviour19:42 – Blame–Blame Dynamics (Find the Bad Guy cycle)23:55 – Two Withdrawers & the danger of disconnection29:40 – When cycles are quiet but still painful32:05 – Raw Spots: Our emotional triggers from the past38:00 – How to begin breaking the cycle: Self-awareness & repair42:26 – 3 Takeaway Tips + 'Would You Rather' segment📍 Resources mentioned:The Infinity Loop: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_xski0fK11JTfN2CLYndjsucJqYxZ_Z3/view?usp=drive_linkUnderstanding Attachment Styles:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmAoZfhTbTcEmotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) – framework referenced throughoutConnect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_LivesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Music by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore a vital question: "Am I in an unhealthy relationship?" Whether it's a romantic relationship, friendship, or even a business partnership, this conversation helps you identify the subtle yet damaging signs of unhealthy dynamics. From emotional disconnection and conflict avoidance to people-pleasing and shutdown behaviours, Ali and Ros unpack what these patterns mean and how to begin addressing them.Drawing from emotionally focused therapy, this episode offers practical examples and three takeaway tips to help you reflect on your relationships and take meaningful steps toward repair. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship dynamics are helping or harming you, this is a must-watch conversation.Shownotes:Epiosde: Am I in an Unhealthy Relationship?In this episode:00:00 - Intro01:05 - Why talk about unhealthy relationships?02:30 - What's the difference between unhealthy and toxic relationships?04:00 - Signs of unhealthy relationships05:15 - Sign #1: Not being able to calmly discuss difficulties07:40 - Sign #2: No repair after conflict10:00 - Sign #3: People-pleasing & ignoring your own needs12:45 - Sign #4: Shutting down or stonewalling15:10 - Sign #5: Indifference or unintentional neglect17:30 - Sign #6: The negative cycle explained21:15 - Sign #7: Lack of trust or emotional safety24:00 - Understanding what you bring into relationships26:00 - How to start repairing unhealthy dynamics29:00 - Sharing the episode as a starting point for discussion30:00 - Resources to help without therapy31:10 - 3 Takeaway Tips (incl. journaling prompt)📍 Resources mentioned:'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson (book + online course0Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward TronickUnderstanding attachment styles:https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-xwpd3-186c726The fearful avoidant attachment style:https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-npv9y-18e4e79Healthy relationships:https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-3suv8-188c4bdConnect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_LivesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In the second Dear Therapists episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros respond to two powerful listener letters, offering comfort, validation, and gentle reflections for those navigating emotionally complex relationships.Letter 1:This dilemma from a listener explores the painful question of whether it's okay to end a friendship over racist and anti-immigrant comments.Letter 2:This letter shares the emotional weight of living in a home overshadowed by trauma, silence, and a father’s unpredictable anger.If you've ever struggled with loyalty versus boundaries, or found yourself stuck in a difficult home environment, this episode is for you.Shownotes:Episode: Dear Therapists: Boundaries, Beliefs & Family Struggles | Listener DilemmasIn this episode:00:00 – Introduction00:43 – Letter 1: Is it okay to end a friendship over politics?03:00 – Politics vs. personal identity06:00 – Boundaries, beliefs & losing a friend10:00 – Changing friendships in early adulthood13:14 – Letter 2: Walking on eggshells at home15:23 – Trauma, silence & cultural complexity18:15 – Surviving a difficult home environment22:00 – Finding support outside the home25:30 – Final words to our letter writersResources mentioned:📍 Domestic violence and family trauma support (check local services or charities)Previous episodes on:Understanding Anxiety:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ghvvi-1852bb6Understanding Gen Z - A Cross-Generational Chat:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-qpewe-18a1accConnect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_LivesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Music by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, we sit down with former paramedic, Dave Zaple, to hear his honest and moving story of mental ill health, recovery and finding purpose. From witnessing daily trauma in the emergency services to confronting the stigma around men’s mental health, Dave opens up about his breakdown, therapy, identity loss, and eventual healing through connection, creativity, and community. This episode is an unmissable listen for anyone interested in male vulnerability or finding purpose after crisis. Whether you’re struggling yourself, or supporting someone who is, Dave’s story shows there is life - and growth - after trauma. Shownotes: Episode: Breaking Point to Breakthrough: A Men's Mental Health Journey In this episode: 00:00 – Intro01:40 – When professional and personal trauma collide03:51 – Getting help: TRiM, taking time off, starting therapy05:07 – What PTSD looked like for Dave (and what surprised him)07:12 – Growing up male: cultural silence around emotions10:15 – Identity and recovery13:47 – Support networks: Rock2Recovery, REORG, gym community20:30 – Finding purpose with SoulKind and human stories of resilience24:15 – Letting go of an identity26:00 – Using photography to connect and help others32:00 – Supporting others: you don’t have to fix it, just show up34:00 – Finding community, rebuilding identity38:00 – Dave’s final thoughts: from crisis to creativity41:06 – How others can find help – and why support matters If this episode resonated with you or you know someone it might help, please share it. You can also reach out or comment - we love hearing from you. Talking helps, and you’re never alone in the dark. 📍 Resources mentioned: Rock2Recovery - Charity supporting armed forces and blue light workershttps://www.rock2recovery.co.uk/ REORG Charity – Supporting service personnel through physical fitnesshttps://reorgcharity.com/ Surfwell – Surf therapy for emergency service workershttps://www.surfwell.co.uk/ Walking With The Woundedhttps://walkingwiththewounded.org.uk/ Millimetres 2 Mountains - A mental health charity that supports individuals to redifne their limitations through the great outdoorshttps://www.millimetres2mountains.org/ SoulKind Journal (CIC) – Human stories of resilience and adventure. Pre-order edition 4 now:https://www.soulkindpeople.co.uk/ Connect with Dave Zaple: Website: https://www.davezaple.com/Email: davezaplephotography@gmail.comInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/davezaplephotoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/davezaplephoto Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Have a question or want to share your thoughts on trauma and PTSD? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros delve into the complex experience of health anxiety - what it is, how it develops, and what practical steps can be taken to manage it. Ali shares insights from cognitive behavioural therapy, discussing effective tools such as identifying safety behaviours, understanding personal values, and building tolerance for uncertainty. Whether you’re seeking support for yourself or trying to understand a loved one, this episode offers hope, clarity, and actionable advice. Shownotes: Episode: Understanding and Managing Health Anxiety In this episode: 00:00 – Intro and what’s coming up01:00 – What is health anxiety?02:50 – Common misunderstandings and impact on daily life04:30 – How CBT and EMDR can help06:00 – The roots of health anxiety: trauma, personal history, illness10:30 – How health anxiety shows up in the body13:00 – Safety behaviours explained18:00 – Triggers: friends’ stories, news, social media22:00 – Real-life therapy examples and checking behaviours26:00 – Safety behaviours experiment31:00 – The problem with reassurance-seeking36:00 – Introducing values-based work38:30 – Therapy options and what to do if you can’t afford private help41:00 – Three takeaway tips for managing health anxiety45:00 – Outro Resources mentioned: 📕 Overcoming Health Anxiety by David Veale and Rob Willson (Part of Overcoming Series) 📍 NHS Talking Therapies (UK) – Free CBT referral via GP Previous episodes on: Understanding Anxiety - Why Your Brain's Alarm System Freaks Out:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ghvvi-1852bb6 Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Have a question or want to share your thoughts on health anxiety? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the complexities of the fearful avoidant attachment style and how it affects our relationships, communication, and self-perception. If you've ever felt stuck in a push-pull dynamic, terrified of being hurt but also craving intimacy, this episode will help you make sense of what's going on. We break down what causes this attachment style, what it looks like in practice, and how people can begin to heal. Whether you relate personally or are trying to understand a partner, parent, or friend with this pattern, this conversation is packed with insight and empathy. We explore how fearful avoidant attachment develops, how it shows up in adult relationships, and why people with this pattern often feel confused, ashamed, or stuck in love. Show notes: Episode: What is a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style? In this episode: 00:00 – Welcome & why this topic matters00:42 – What is fearful avoidant attachment?01:55 – Early childhood roots: inconsistent caregiving and trauma04:10 – The internal push-pull dynamic: craving closeness, fearing harm06:35 – How it plays out in adult romantic relationships08:18 – Shame and identity struggles for fearful avoidants10:12 – How fearful avoidant differs from anxious and avoidant styles12:26 – Common patterns in dating and communication14:43 – Signs you're in a fearful avoidant cycle17:05 – Therapy, healing and the role of nervous system regulation19:28 – How partners can support a fearful avoidant loved one21:15 – Tips for recognising your triggers and building self-awareness23:30 – Self-soothing and final thoughts Resources mentioned: 📕 Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller 📕 The Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges (for understanding nervous system regulation) Previous episodes on: Attachment Styles:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726 Building Healthy Relationships:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-3suv8-188c4bd Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Welcome to a very special episode of Relational Lives - our first Dear Therapist edition. In this episode, Ali and Ros respond to two deeply personal letters from listeners grappling with loss, betrayal, and the search for closure. Letter 1: JoJo opens up about losing their first love after being groomed into an abusive relationship. Now, blocked and isolated, Jo is looking for ways to process the guilt and trauma. Letter 2: OwenAfter nine years, Owen’s girlfriend ends the relationship unexpectedly on Valentine’s Day - just before moving in together. Owen seeks answers and support as he faces heartbreak and the fear of rediscovering his identity alone. This episode offers empathy, practical steps, and gentle guidance for anyone navigating emotional pain, attachment trauma, or the confusing road to closure. Show notes: Episode: Dear Therapist: Heartbreak, Abuse & Clousre | Listener Dilemmas In this episode: 00:00 – Welcome to our first Dear Therapist episode00:50 – Why listener dilemmas matter and what to expect01:30 – Letter 1: Jo’s story of first love, grooming, and abuse03:50 – How abuse can be hidden and isolating05:30 – Understanding grooming, love bombing, and trauma07:00 – The power of attention and why manipulation feels good08:45 – Talking about shame, guilt, and getting support10:00 – Why forgiveness is about you – not them11:15 – Acknowledging Jo’s strength and moving forward12:10 – Finding closure when you’ve been blocked13:30 – How writing unsent letters can help15:10 – Grieving the relationship and spotting red flags16:45 – Letter 2: Owen’s sudden break-up after 9 years18:20 – The pain of losing your imagined future19:45 – What avoidant attachment might explain21:00 – Was the break-up triggered by fear of commitment?22:30 – Can you ask your ex for answers – and should you?24:00 – Managing expectations and emotional readiness25:30 – Rebuilding identity after a long relationship27:00 – Seeking support and moments of relief28:15 – Final reflections and how to send in your own dilemma30:00 – Thank you for listening – more letters coming soon! Resources mentioned: Healthy relationships - explore what defines a healthy romantic dynamic:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-3suv8-188c4bd Attachment styles overview:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726 Break-ups - navigating the grief of a break-up and reclaiming joy:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ugjxj-187698d Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio