Today has been one of those days where anxiety feels like it’s humming in every cell of my body. My heart’s been fluttering off rhythm since this morning, the way it does in a panic attack but for no clear reason. I keep taking deep breaths and telling myself it will pass, but the feeling lingered all day. 

For so many years, I lived in this constant state of anxiety. Back then, my only instinct was to run from the discomfort and silence it with a box of Vella Chardonnay. But I can’t outrun fear. I can only walk through it. The difference now is that I know I don’t have to face it alone. I have the tools and willingness to talk about it no matter how uneasy it feels. In my morning meeting, we read The Man Who Mastered Fear, and it felt like divine timing. I have learned to move through fear differently. 

At my old house, I used to take the shortcut home on walks, cutting my route in half whenever I felt too vestibularly symptomatic. But in my new neighborhood, there is no shortcut. Once I start, I have to go the whole way around the block to get home. And that’s exactly how fear and anxiety work for me now. I have to take the long way through them, not rushing the process or numbing it away. I hand it over and surrender, over and over again, even when it’s minute by minute. The fear doesn’t vanish, but I keep walking anyway. I trust that each step forward is healing me in ways I can’t yet see.

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To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org 

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