This morning I was reminded of the vicious cycle of my alcoholism. I’d wake after just a few hours of being passed out, trembling, sweating, and panicked. I would reach for the leftover tepid glass of wine on my nightstand to calm down and get me back to zero, as I’ve heard fellow alcoholics say. I was caught in a disease that is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I finally reached out for help and someone held on to me, believed in me, and showed me that I could break the cycle. Today, I choose sobriety, over and over again, to live in alignment with my higher power and my program for living.
In the beginning, sobriety felt impossible, foreign, and overwhelming. I didn’t understand the steps or the language, just like starting out in a new job where everyone else seems to know what’s going on. But in time, through showing up, working with others, and practicing daily, it became familiar and even comfortable. I’ve learned that my spiritual life is making continuous choices, moment by moment, to turn the dial back toward faith, hope, and community. Thankfully this program isn’t something I’ll ever graduate from. It’s a lifelong journey and way of life.
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