The more that I understand how the sausage is made, the more disillusioned I get with it. I used to have this sort of envisioned idea that if I simply just worked and I did a good job, I treated people nicely, I did everything that I was supposed to do, that it would work out. That was very naive. It’s often not what you thought it would be. The process is not what you think it is.

There is more to the story. There’s a tremendous amount of loneliness. You could be a very nice, well-intentioned person, trying to do your best—but it very often will not work out for you. There is very little rhyme or reason. Many things are outside of your control.

What people often present in the scientific game is not what happens. The stories that are told—there are stories, they’re narratives. The best way to understand science is more through a narrative lens. It is often vastly unfair and nonsensical. The idea that things are orderly, scientific, free of bias—it’s just complete nonsense.

The only thing that you can do is to accept the craziness of it all. Stop believing in this sort of “the more that you put in, the better off you get out of it” kind of idea. It’s narrative. It’s chance. It’s silly, goofy things that happen.

The only way that I know to deal with it is to dissociate every day a little bit—maybe it’s a lot. Figure out a way to remove yourself from all of it. Walk forward every day.