In this episode of Poetry in Layers, I step into the quiet ache many of us carry: the belief that we are somehow difficult to love. Drawing on the wisdom of bell hooks, I explore how so many of us learned early that love feels safer when we make ourselves smaller, quieter, and easier to manage.
Through poetry, reflection, and clinical framing, I trace how these patterns often begin as survival strategies, ways of staying wanted in unpredictable emotional climates. I speak to the fawn response, the masks of composure, and the protectors we develop to keep connection within reach. But beneath those roles live younger parts of us still waiting to be chosen, not by anyone else, but by us.
This episode is for the child who hid their needs behind politeness, the adult fluent in everyone else’s comfort but hesitant with their own, and anyone who has ever wondered if they take up too much space to be loved. Together, we reframe that question and begin to imagine what it means to stay with ourselves, to move from endurance to belonging, from palatable to whole.
This is both a confession and a reclamation. A reminder that you were never too much, never too hard to love.
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Chapters:
00:00 - Introduction
00:20 - About Love
02:20 - Clinical Context
03:45 - The Poem: for those of us who think we are difficult to love
10:00 - The Literary Breakdown: for those of us who think we are difficult to love
12:40 - The Clinical Breakdown
16:20 - Reflection Questions
17:20 - Second Reading: for those of us who think we are difficult to love
25:05 - Closing
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Poetry Related Books:
• The Tradition — Jericho Brown
• Citizen: An American Lyric — Claudia Rankine
• Black Girl, Call Home — Jasmine Mans
Psychology Related Books
• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving — Pete Walker
• The Myth of Normal — Gabor Maté
• No Bad Parts — Richard C. Schwartz
• Set Boundaries, Find Peace — Nedra Glover Tawwab
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Carl Patterson is a licensed professional counselor, published author, public speaker, and spoken word artist. Click the link to learn more about Carl and his works - https://www.familysolutionsok.com/carl-patterson
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This podcast is published and produced by Family Solutions Media, a media program of Family Solutions Counseling. For more great content, please check out our LinkTree - https://www.linktr.ee/familysolutionsok
