We all start out with boundaries (just think about a two-year-old yelling “no!”), but along the way, many of us were taught to grow out of them in order to stay liked, accepted, or safe. In this episode, Kristine and Elise explore how to notice when a boundary is needed, what makes boundaries hard to set and hold, and why boundaries are a skill that helps us deepen relationships, not shut them down. They share stories, community responses, and walk through six types of boundaries (from Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book Set Boundaries, Find Peace).
Plus: what to do when someone doesn’t respect your boundary, how to set boundaries with yourself, and a short guided practice by Kristine to help you return to what you need.
Timestamps & Key Topics:
00:16 – Why we wanted to talk about boundaries and how they’re often misunderstood
01:29 – How our boundaries are trained out of us in childhood
02:55 – Personal story about early boundary-setting
04:21 – Poll results: Are you good at setting boundaries?
06:13 – Codependency and blurred boundaries in close relationships
06:48 – Signs a boundary might be needed (resentment, burnout, etc.)
09:07 – What makes it hard to set boundaries: guilt, people-pleasing, fear of confrontation
10:36 – Guilt doesn’t mean you did something wrong; it’s part of the process
12:31 – Examples of boundaries that improved relationships
16:32 – Poll results: Do you have a hard time saying no?
19:55 – What are boundaries? Sharing Nedra Glover Tawwab’s definition
22:01 – How to communicate boundaries clearly and contextually
24:02 – The six types of boundaries (physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, material, time)
31:53 – How to identify which boundaries might be missing in your life
33:38 – Boundaries as self-protection and a form of self-respect
34:56 – What to do when someone responds poorly to a boundary
36:31 – Reflecting on the therapy-speak backlash and misusing “boundaries” as control
38:48 – The 4 C’s of boundaries: Clarity, Consistency, Compassion, Consequence
40:31 – Setting boundaries with yourself (time, habits, inner voice)
42:13 – A short guided practice by Kristine to visualize and reinforce a needed boundary
Resources we mentioned in the episode:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Connect with Us:
on Instagram @plai.nview
Elise Joseph James – elisejosephjames.com
Kristine Claghorn – claggie.com
You can also find us over on Substack: Elise & Kristine
The Episode 9 cover is a photo by Elise Joseph James.
