Shortly after my 50th birthday, I experienced an intense few weeks of turmoil and distress. The birthday milestone was a coincidence, this was no mid-life event.

It was the culmination of a number of circumstances that had weakened my resolve, my resilience. I had encountered some ill health and operations, both parents had died, I'd gone through divorce, moved house and then my one of my dearest friends became terminally ill.

It felt like my body was spilling over with emotion and feelings that I wasn't able to process. I became scared of feeling scared. Anxious about being anxious. Nowhere to turn. Which resulted in looking for a way out. Turned out that the only way out was down, and to bring myself back up.

In this episode I discuss the dark places I touched, the bleakness of grief and how trusting yourself is your way home.