Saying goodbye well requires intentional preparation that can begin months before you actually leave.
On this episode of Neither Here Nor There, host Ruthie Gomez talks with cohost Laura about the leaving phase of the transition cycle and introduces the RAFT tool - an acronym for Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell, and Think Forward. They explore how this framework helps individuals and families navigate the emotional complexity of saying goodbye to people, places, pets, and possessions while preparing mentally for the next chapter of their journey.
They explain how reconciliation involves resolving conflicts and offering forgiveness before departure, emphasizing that unresolved issues travel with us to new locations. Ruthie and Laura discuss the importance of affirming people who have made the current season meaningful, understanding cultural farewell customs, and taking time to say proper goodbyes to significant people and places. They address how the leaving phase can extend up to six months and requires intentional planning to leave well and enter the next phase with emotional health. The conversation explores how modern travel's speed can shortchange the emotional processing time that major life transitions require. "I wish that we could take a boat across the ocean like they used to," Laura reflects. "I just feel like I need about two weeks to process everything that's gone on here so that we can get to the other side and be present."
The conversation includes an interview with Claire Drudrury, a bi-vocational missionary at the International Church of Barcelona and a communications specialist with over 20 years’ corporate experience, who shares tools she's learned from 18 years of international living, including discerning seasons, enjoying the journey rather than focusing solely on the destination, and being kind to yourself during emotional transitions. Ruthie and Laura emphasize that while practical logistics dominate the leaving phase, intentional emotional preparation through the RAFT framework can significantly impact how well families adjust to their new environment.
Books Referenced: Third Culture Kids by David Pollock and Ruth Van Riken