Episode SummaryWhere did you learn to love yourself? For most of us, this question is surprisingly difficult to answer. In this episode, we explore how our earliest experiences shape our capacity for self-love, the myth that self-love reflects our worthiness, and why our ability to care for ourselves has everything to do with what we learned and nothing to do with how lovable we are. Discover how to recognize and revise your internal blueprint for self-care through a simple five-minute experiment.In This Episode:The mystery of where we learn self-love The myth about what self-love reflects about us How childhood experiences create our self-care blueprint The power of adult agency to revise this blueprint A five-minute experiment to understand your patternsThe Hidden Origins of Self-LoveHave you ever wondered why some people seem to naturally look after themselves - they protect their boundaries, speak kindly to themselves, and make choices that honor their wellbeing? Meanwhile, others repeatedly put themselves last, speak to themselves with harsh criticism, or regularly end up in situations that don't serve them?It's not random, and it's not about who's "better" at life. It's about what we learned early on.The Myth: Self-Love Reflects Your WorthinessThe prevailing myth is that your ability to love yourself reflects how lovable and worthy you are. This couldn't be further from the truth. Your capacity for self-love has nothing to do with your inherent worthiness.We're all born with the innate wisdom to self-love. Just look at how a baby will unhesitatingly let you know when they're hungry, need changing, or feel uncomfortable or scared. We are born with natural instincts to self-care and self-advocate.But like all animals, we learn and adapt through our experiences.How We Learn (or Unlearn) Self-LoveFor most of us, our first decade is largely shaped by our primary caregivers. These become our primary data points during our developmental years: how our caregivers treated us, how they spoke to us, what they prioritized, what they dismissed, what they allowed, what they prohibited - not only toward us but for themselves as well.If you had caregivers who consistently honored your feelings, who taught you your needs mattered, who protected you from harm and disrespect, and treated themselves in the same way - you likely absorbed the message that you required care and protection. It wasn't even a character judgment of whether you were worthy or deserved care, but an objective understanding that, like any living being, you had specific requirements to thrive.But many of us received different or conflicting messages:Perhaps you learned that you had to work and prove you deserved good things or rest because that's how your caregiver treated themselves. Maybe you learned that no matter what you did, it was never enough - not because you weren't lovable, but because your caregiver was wrestling with their own adult issues. Maybe you discovered that what you needed didn't really matter because securing your caregiver's good mood determined how your day would unfold. So you prioritized their needs above yours - a pattern that might still play out in your adult relationships. Some of us learned that being in unsafe situations was just normal. That it's acceptable when people speak negatively toward us or disrespect us. Or that life is about proving yourself and pushing yourself relentlessly into uncomfortable situations, even when you're unsupported, under-resourced, or simply not ready.These weren't conscious lessons. They were absorbed through daily experiences that slowly, invisibly shaped our internal blueprint for how we should treat ourselves.The Truth: You Can Revise Your BlueprintHere's the liberating truth: while we didn't choose our original blueprint for self-love and self-care, we absolutely can choose to revise it. That's the beauty of adult agency and free will.The relationship you have with yourself is just that - a r