You could have

Right off the bat, you know that this is going to be aggressive. You could have… 

This is how you are alerted that someone is about to throw something in your face. Not a cake, mind you. Although you might wish it were a cake, it would probably hurt less and you could lick some sweet frosting or whipped cream off your face. I would. I might wish someone would throw a cake in my face. Yellow cake with sweet whipped cream. As metabolisms change, you make nutritional decisions that make sense for a healthy body but not for cravings. You realize the only way you get a taste of sheet cake is if someone slams it in your face. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I imagine that is why the older you get, the more irreverent you get.