This is a talk I felt compelled to give after the grad student / postdoc strike in the University of California in the fall of 2022. There was so much I didn't understand about university finance. In an effort to learn more, I decided to put together this talk and share it as a professional development seminar to PhD students, postdocs, and faculty at UC San Diego (UCSD). Halfway through preparing this talk, I came across a WONDERFUL book by Andrew Comrie, Like Nobody's Business: An Insider's Guide to How US University Finances Really Work, which provided me with the viewgraphs compiled from his own extensive research from publicly available information. (A monumental undertaking on his part!) His book is available free of charge as an open access book on www.openbookpublishers.com. Please check it out! Cheers, Darren Correction: when speaking, I accidentally put Worcester Polytechnic into the "public R2" category. I misspoke, it is a "private R2." Thanks!