Republished from The Melrose Place 'Cast, available at:

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KISS MY BUTT?!?

Oh, the audacity of late-night television.  The coarseness of 90s nighttime soaps.  No wonder millennials turned out the way we (me, not Mary) did.

This week, Sarah's drinking is back and she yells "kiss my butt!" at a hiring manager.  Cut to Hillary, all raggy, yelling it right back at her.  Sarah continues being drunk, gets fired from Models, Inc. - but still lands a lucrative contract thanks to her shiny hair.

Cynthia is struggling through the recovery process as a victim of sexual assault.  Actual kudos to Models, Inc. for taking this seriously.  Is the recovery a bit soap opera fast?  Yes.  But they did address some real challenges in a serious way, so I'll give them their princess points.

Julie and Craig are moving in together, and he has money and she is in love with him even before she knew he had money so it's real.

But again, the real story is with Monique, the most beautiful ghost in America, Adam/Reed, the most harpooned ghost in America, and Grayson, the most alive ghost in America.  (See, because Adam/Reed thought she was dead?)  Anyway, Grayson moves into the guest room, hits on Adam, so he kicks her back out.  She attempts suicide so she's back in.  It's on again / off agian with Monique and Adam/Reed.  Will these kids ever catch a break?

We are zooming in on the series finale, and Mary is coming to terms with the reality that she will need to watch another episode of this show soon.

Well, nine months from now.