What's fucked up is that I overstand why a healthy person would leave a disabled person. I get it, walks, drives, dance, whatever. 

Now, I'm forced to decide between staying IN the house so she and the kids can see me & help me

OR

leave with family that actually WANTS me

This is so fucked up. I know staying here is safest decision but it hurts so fucking much to see her living her best life, watching kids grow into mf's that don't need you. Everyone gets to live their best life except me. 

So, this will be my greatest challenge for the rest of my life. I gotta prove all this Gratitude, be grateful, love language, manifestations, yoga, meditation, all this mindset OVER bullshit REALLY works. 

I know it's not me against the world but Jesus Christ it feels like it is.