Imagine giving someone a gift for free, then charging them for it later—and getting upset when they don’t pay. Sounds crazy, right? Yet that’s exactly what I was doing —and I know I’m not alone.

At the start of 2024, I was burnt out. I had a few close friendships where I felt like I was pouring and pouring, but not receiving the same in return. So, I decided to try something I’d always been firmly against: matching energy.

This is the way to avoid getting hurt—just give back what you receive. It didn’t work. My feelings were still hurt, and in trying to protect myself, I became a friend I didn’t recognise. I punished all my other beautiful friendships for the pain caused by a few. I became someone who kept score, held back, and lost the ability to love selflessly.

Matching energy failed me, but so did pouring recklessly. So, what works? Pouring intentionally. And it all began to click for me on April 7th, when I made a list…