A raw and unfiltered journey through addiction, self-destruction, and recovery. I share my personal experience with substances like 4-MMC and ketamine, exploring how addiction begins as self-medication, spirals into isolation, and eventually forces a confrontation with the shadow self. This is not theory — it’s lived truth. For anyone struggling or seeking to understand addiction as both a human wound and a potential teacher, this reflection may offer perspective, honesty, and hope.

Chapters:

0:00 – Why I Keep Talking About Addiction

0:39 – Addiction as Self-Medication for Pain

2:27 – The Paradox: Knowing It’s Harmful but Still Using

3:05 – My Story with 4-MMC (Mephedrone)

5:00 – The Rush, the Redose, and Losing Willpower

7:50 – Social Anxiety, University Life, and Escaping Through Drugs

9:25 – The Shrinking World of Addiction

11:20 – Sweaty at 4 a.m., Looking in the Mirror

12:40 – Loneliness, Boredom, and Dependency

18:56 – Recovery, Shadow Work & The Slow Path of Healing