The dolls are back and worshipping at the altar of Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams because let’s be real, not all children of destiny are created equal.

Then it’s a messy spiral into the crusty trenches of Grindr: faceless torsos, ghosting twinks, and bios that scream "no spice, all rice." And if that wasn’t enough, the UK wants your government ID to watch porn now?

Sorry babe, I’m not flashing my passport just to see someone get railed on a Tuesday. Come for the chaos, stay for the cunty commentary.