It is my 39th Birthday, and I am reflecting on the fact that this is the first time in my living memory that I have not spoekn to my Mum on my birthday. The first time I have not recieved a message, or made plans to see or speak to her.

How do we navigate the firsts? Are they important? Should we place significance on them, can we help but do so? This episodes explores the challenges I have faced when approaching the first Christmas, Birthdays and family events when the person who would have undoubtebly be there, if not organising the very event is gone.

Children's grief is a whole new ball game! In this episode, I am exploring how children grieve by sharing the experience I have had of my children's grief and response to losing mum.

It has been a challenge to understand and accept the way my boys have grieved. Sometimes I have been really surprised and taken a back by the things they have said, the questions they have asked and the way that they have behaved in these first few months.

I have asked myself many times, whether they understand death? Do they know that Nana isn't coming back? Why are they grieving in this way? Do I need to encourage them to grieve even more?

Is this something else I have to try and get right?