Resilience requires both emotion and active problem solving ways of coping. You can't have one without the other. If you only problem solve and never address the emotional fallout of setbacks, your emotions end up getting stuffed down and build up, only to blow up later If you only soothe your emotions after a setback and never take action to address the problem, you end up avoiding your own life trying to feel better without facing problems head on It's most effective to use some emotion focused skills to feel better and calm yourself right after a setback. Give yourself a little space or time. Then, use your problem solving skills to begin putting effort toward solutions.