Do you find it hard to focus at Work? Do you find that you spend most of your time daydreaming about nonsensical situations? Do you have trouble sleeping? Do you find that you spend most of the night lying awake masturbating as you fixate on trying to answer a series of absolutely pointless, yet provocative hypothetical questions? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions then it is quite possible that you suffer from….FONK. The Fear Of Not Knowing.

Hi, I’m the Notorious Scott K, host of such obscure podcasts as Watch This or Die, The Cheeky Basterds, Dropping A Bruce and The Church of Tarantino, and I know what you’re thinking, no I’m not a medically trained doctor, but as a minimally successful podcaster I believe I have the cure for your FONK.

Like you I too lied awake at night wondering whom from “The Office” I’d kill, or whom from “It’s A Bugs Life” I’d like to marry.  And don’t get me started on the countless sleepless nights I’ve had pondering whom I’d smash the shit out of from “Goodfellas”. And I won’t even get into the stress it caused me trying to figure out whom I’d eat from the Michael Bay masterpiece, “Armageddon”.

But fear not my friends because starting September 4th I will be hosting a weekly podcast that will finally help you answer the questions that have left you unfulfilled and impotent in your everyday lives. Together with a special guest we will finally get you the solutions to the hypothetical questions that you’ve been mulling over for far too long. We will finally help you solve which of your favorite fictional characters you would Kill, Marry, Smash and Eat.

Together we will finally cure you of your FONK. Or at least help you waste about an hour of your day, once a week. So join me in September on the Kill/Marry/Smash/Eat Podcast, and let the healing, begin.

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