Being Kind Does Not Mean Having No boundaries. There is a big difference between holding the door open for someone and being the doormat they wipe their shoes on. Self Respect. People-Pleasing. Codependency. Feeling used. Hot and cold toxic relationships. Learning to Say No… we’re getting into all that. Boundaries affect every single relationship you have. From your family and friends, to your co-workers, to your romantic partners to your dog. And they can make or break your personal, professional, spiritual, mental growth. And if you don’t know what exactly your boundaries are, this video is for you. If you feel like you don’t have a strong identity or people don’t respect you, you overshare or feel used or walked all over, keep watching. If you feel like you’re always trying to save or fix others, keep watching. Today we’re going to talk about what boundaries are, I’ll give you question prompts to self reflect and journal/diary about your own boundaries. We’ll talk about the psychology of where bad boundaries come from (childhood traumas, avoidant attachment style and anxious attachment style), the classic toxic relationships that stem from bad boundaries (victim and saver complex & people pleasing), how to set healthy boundaries and the friction it will cause once you start drawing lines for people. Do you feel like people take advantage of you or you’re a pushover? Do you have a hard time speaking up and standing up for yourself when others are making you uncomfortable? Do you often find yourself FAR more invested in a person that they are in you? Do you feel like you jump to please people and yield to their wishes but people don’t do the same for you? Do you often feel scared to rock the boat or upset people or let people down to the point that you let yourself down? Do you feel like you’re constantly having to “save” people close to you and fix their problems all the time? Do you find yourself bouncing back and forth in hot and cold extremes in relationships? Boundaries are important because if you don’t put up these strong rules and you just let people slide with things that make you uncomfortable, that’s going to build up a lot of sadness, frustration and anger and resent. You can start forming better boundaries today. Having strong boundaries is the glue of strong, healthy relationships with mutual respect. People will respect you when they see you respect yourself. And you have a spine. And YOU’LL see a change in your self-esteem, confidence and emotional stability. I think I grew up in an environment, which is actually very common in South Asian households, with this idea that your parents are always right. Don’t you dare challenge them, disagree with them, bring another opinion to the table. And so that evolved into growing up and whenever I sensed the smallest tension in a conversation, just giving in -- totally yielding to the other person just to stop the conflict. Doing whatever they wanted even if it made me uncomfortable. … Soo, what does that lead to? That leads to being a people pleaser and letting people walk all over me and holding the door for them while they do it. When you don’t set healthy boundaries, you signal to others that you don't know how to say no. This leaves you vulnerable to attracting people who want to control you. Another common dynamic that isn’t discussed as often is the victim and the saver. And comment down below if you identify with any of these dynamics. Guys, the thing about bad boundaries is it often comes from wanting to be loved and needed. So for the savers. The people who take blame for other people’s emotions and actions and are always looking to save someone. Because they believe if they can “help” or “Save” their partner, they’ll receive love and validation and feel important. They get their value from helping others. Savers feel the need to be the white knight and they often feel guilty about not doing enough.