Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) sits down with Amanda Dames, the kink consultant and sex & relationship coach, for a deep dive into the world of kink — from power dynamics and negotiation to choking, bondage, chastity, and aftercare. Amanda, a former dominatrix and current coach for couples and individuals, breaks down how to safely explore desire, communicate boundaries, and find confidence in both dominance and submission.
We discuss:
What a kink consultant actually does and how Amanda works with couples and individuals
How to talk about kink and start negotiating scenes with a partner
The concept of core desires: what drives your kinks on a deeper level
Power exchange and why it’s one of the most common and misunderstood kinks
How to safely practice choking and the difference between sides and trachea pressure
How to create and close a scene, use safe words, and practice aftercare
The difference between a kink and a fetish (and why fantasizing isn’t cheating)
What to do when one partner is kinky and the other isn’t
The importance of curiosity, consent, and mutual care in exploring desires
Why choking porn shouldn’t be banned, it should be taught safely
How to avoid nerve damage in bondage and the importance of safety scissors
How to transition between dominance and submission when you’re a switch
Why chastity for men is on the rise and what makes it exciting
The realities of power play, punishment, and control
What good aftercare looks like: from cuddling to next-day check-ins
Why communication before, during, and after sex prevents harm and deepens connection
The role of negotiation, consent, and enthusiasm in every scene
Why more women should take control in bed and why more men should learn to be submissive
How lingerie, pegging, and roleplay are more common (and fun) than people think
Amanda’s fetish for being punished and how fantasy enhances orgasm