Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
John, merritt and Niki once again attempt to solve the world's most pressing issues, which this week include the cryo lab they have at the zoo, post-war surfing, cow valves, British people singing, the vast potential enabled by time travel, and folks? Somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
With Gimmick Month behind us, and with everyone's ensuing physical and emotional wounds mostly healed, merritt, John and Niki get back to basics with a good ol' fashioned episode of the podcast. What does that mean, exactly? It means talking about slicing burgers like pizza. It means inventing new kinds of state-based restaurant systems. It means investigating the seedy underbelly of competitive eating. It means watching Mr. Beast, and somehow, so much more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Gimmick Month crashes into its shocking and climactic conclusion, as Niki runs merritt and John through a gauntlet of challenges designed to determine just who on this show is the whitest.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Gimmick Month continues somehow, with our three heroes navigating Candy Week to the absolute best of their abilities. Perils awaiting them include (but are not limited to) beef tallow Reese's Cups, "the one that most looks like a turd," carbonic acid, the chocolate bar that makes you gay, something called "bridge mixture," and somehow, even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
If you thought Gimmick Month wasn't going to last the whole month, well, that's not a very reasonable assumption! We named it that on purpose! Anyway this week's gimmick is plagiarism.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Gimmick Month continues with Niki's most devious and unpredictable challenge yet: Quiz Week. Do you know as much about the world as you think you do?
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It's July somewhere, and that means it's finally time for Gimmick Month!! Niki has graciously taken point on engineering this year's gimmicks, starting off the 2025 season with PBS Week, which, of course, must include discussion of Little Richard, Fetch with Ruff Ruffman, video games on the roadshow, when you go "to see a thing and one of the people doesn't say anything," and folks? Somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Longtime best-friend and founding cast member LB Hunktears returns for a special episode full of surprises and adventure, as John, Niki and merritt walk LB through everything they've missed over the last few weeks, including Niki's plan to "do We Are the World again," Bane JNCOs, Frankenstein, the Spaceballs sequel, the latest issue of that AARP magazine Niki gets in the mail for some reason, jelqing, and dude, somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
John's back from having major reconstructive surgery, so to celebrate Niki and merritt throw him a big welcome home party with all of John's favorite things, including the show Sister Wives, "the autistic character in League of Legends," merritt's new straight jacket, Frank Thomas' Fuck Pills, doing gear, coming up with new rules for America's Favorite Pastime, and somehow, even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
merritt, John and Niki bring a very important topic to the forefront of their weekly discussions: Who is behind the conspiracy destroying this podcast? To get to the bottom of it, the gang investigates a number of related mysteries, including the ET and Mario Kart rides at Universal Studios, "he has big teeth and he's everywhere," merritt's new Wii, and homie, somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
So the bad news this week is that John was in an honest-to-God car accident and has a broken ankle, but the good news is that merritt is joining the show fulltime! These incidents are unrelated and nobody should look into them. :) Otherwise the gang workshops some new ways to incentivize young voters, while also handling John's irrational fear of windows, shoot playing Roblox, and folks, somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
John, merritt and Niki crack open a cold tallboy of TRUTH and slurp down a flight of intoxicating discussion topics, including (but not limited to) a failed clone of Machine Gun Kelly, the average number of marriages on this show, getting Jason Bourned as "something to do," Pac-Man's cavernous maw, a Chuck E. Cheese fire in Chicago, and honestly, so much that I've purposefully left out because it was way too funny to spoil here.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
John, Niki and merritt take a break from their quickly unraveling lives [Editor's note: They're fine, I'm just trying to spice things up a little] to discuss a growing number of deep interpersonal concerns, including the physical cost of teleporting, our plans for the rapidly approaching Gimmick Month, deciding to look at a real dead body live on air, vertical smiles (and not the kind you'd think), and my friend, somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In addition to being on From the World of John Wick: Ballerina watch, Niki, merritt and John are also keeping an eye on several other developing situations, including Amy Poehler's podcasting career, everyone's favorite Rugrats, putting a bath over your bath, whether Jamba Juice still exists, Law & Order's latest murder, the Billboard Top 100, the most racist thing merritt's ever done, the Wheel, and homie, somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
With Niki and merritt installed as America's new Gas Czar(s), John struggles to adapt to the new normal of gasoline freestyle machines. Meanwhile, the group is also enlisted to solve a number of scientific quandaries, including whether Sandman from comics (not that one) cums sand, why you should respect the superhuman abilities of Ariel from The Little Mermaid trilogy, what to make of a special jpeg from Jordan, and somehow, even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.
Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social
Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It's the first day of merrit's extended speaking engagement at Drivey's Ed, and to celebrate she briefs John and Niki on a number of pressing topics that she hopes to cover during her stay, including her upcoming stint as Prime Minster of Canada, the specifics of that gorilla question that's going around, Niki's weekend at the country music festival, cows the size of NERDS® Candy, and pardner, somehow even more.
Music by Jordan Mallory. Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).
Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
LB, Niki and John. You know them, you love them, and one of them was forced to do crowd work as a child, but you'll have to listen to find out which. We also learn about a certain someone's shameful gas buying habits ("Don't tell anyone I top off!"), the secret truth about escape rooms, a Sailor Scout you've never heard of, value-added fungus, and somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.
Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
LB, Niki and John, placed on this Earth to perform one task, must continue their great effort by first dealing with LB's overstretched plantar, the existence of the "chicken jockey" and what effect saying the phrase "chicken jockey" to one's parents might have, the music they're playing our children in PE class, if Ghost Adventures is real, the return of Scam Text Theater, and homies, so much more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.
Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It's time once again for LB, John and Niki to do their usual thang and solve all of the world's problems in just over an hour. This week, our heroes discuss batteries, different ways of making oats, the Burger King's relationship with Ronald McDonald, writing in cursive, why they not have ketchup in glass bottle anymore, hooking up your new chair, penis music, and as expected, somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.
Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).
Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Back in the saddle and blasting indiscriminately, John, Niki and LB gather their various dogs for a ruff-riding romp through a number of discussion topics, which include (but are not limited to) the mural at Johnny Rockets, the Quibi guy, watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit while standing outside of a FUBU, British people and their historical chants, The Rock and how he "ruins things," and despite our best efforts, somehow even more.
Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.
Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).
Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
