In this episode, we explicitly discuss the different roles that the other parent or less abusive parent can play for both you and the abusive parent. 

I feel like I have experienced the death of my father and he has not died yet. I grieve my dads disappearance and the disappearance of our father/daughter relationship. 

My father was my rock, I was his little girl growing up. He protected me from my mum, he listened to my feelings and validated my experience. He provided subtle strategies to protect me from my mum and make me feel better about the abuse. 

He was also my mother's enabler, in that instead of stopping her, he would make excuses for her. This role grew in strength over time as (I believe) he became more and more worn down). The dialogue began to turn against me. My father would blame me for my behaviors instead of acknowledging my mum.

The day that I chose that I would no longer allow my mother around my children without her getting the help that she needed, that my father had said that she needed after he had told me she wasn't safe... that all changed. He pleaded with me not to do it as he couldn't take my side because his life at home wouldn't be worth living. 

He then became my mother's echo. His words and behaviors were exactly the same as my mum's. He did all of the things that he used to protect me from. The abuse goes worse. 

I no longer knew him. I no longer know him. He is not my father. I do not know who this man is, he is not recognizable.