“Nature vs. nurture” makes it sound like there’s a winner. In my life, both shaped me—and so did a quiet rule I learned young: don’t share, just get on with it. In this episode, I tell the story of how that rule became my armour and my isolation. I carried it into every room—family, friendships, work—until speaking up felt dangerous and staying silent felt like strength. I share the seasons where I thought I’d been chosen, the moment that illusion cracked, and the narrowing that followed: the cold logic that convinced me nobody would care if I disappeared. This isn’t a blame story. It’s a context story—about longing to be wanted without being seen as a problem, and about what it costs to carry everything alone. If any part of this sounds like you, I hope you feel less alone here.

Content note: Mentions suicidal thoughts and an attempt (no graphic detail). UK support in notes.

Resources (UK): Samaritans 116 123 (24/7) • Text SHOUT to 85258 (24/7) • NHS 111 for urgent mental health help • PAPYRUS HOPELINE247 0800 068 4141 (under 35). In an emergency, call 999.

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