In this episode, we explore the quiet underrated and often misunderstood power of softness... not as weakness but as one of the greatest strengths we can embody. Drawing on themes that emerged during my Bali Radiance Retreat, we dive into what it really means to soften in a world that often asks us to harden, to armour up, to stay closed and unshakable.
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Softness is a strength
Hello my love, welcome back to the Grow Through It Podcast with me Phi.
I’m back from Bali where I recently ran my Radiance Retreat hence why softness actually has been on my mind a lot lately. It was a huge theme that surfaced during the recent retreat how gentleness, presence, and the ability to soften are not weaknesses, but deep forms of strength. As we explored this on retreat I shared with the beautiful women the realisation that softness doesn’t exist without shadow: the parts of ourselves we hide, suppress like our fears and parts of us, our feelings that we deem as too much or perhaps negative.
The world teaches us to harden and armour up
Today, I want to talk about both: how softness and shadow live and dance together, and how embracing both can lead to real growth, presence, and connection. We’ll dive into what it means to soften in the face of life’s challenges, to meet our shadows with curiosity and care and to embody strength that is tender yet deeply powerful. For anyone listening, I’ll be diving even deeper into softness and shadow in Flow (luxury feminine self care) Vietnam Retreat next year at the end of May 2026launching very soon, so DM me for more info. Let’s get into it.
We all harden at some point in our lives, maybe you are still hard and it’s because you learnt to be this way. The world teaches us to harden. To brace. To armour up.
We tighten our shoulders against bad news. We build walls around our hearts after heartbreak.
We try to be unshakable in a time that keeps shaking us. While that armor can protect us, it also traps us. We stop feeling the sun on our skin. We stop noticing the rhythm and depth of our own breath. We hesitate to be vulnerable with others, afraid they might hurt us or break our hearts and ironically, it is that very fear that can keep love from flowing in at all.
Softness is like water
Softening is not about losing strength. It’s about remembering that gentleness is a kind of strength. It means letting the body breathe again. It means letting your jaw unclench, your shoulders drop, your grip relax. Think of it like flow and water. Water flows around obstacles but it shapes mountains. Softening isn’t becoming less.
You become vast: spacious enough to hold both strength and surrender, both clarity and compassion. Softening is power and it’s something I return to time and time again working with clients: strength isn’t hardening after you perceive the world or someone or something wrongs you or hurts you… strength is in healing yet remaining true to your nature and if you’re listening to this I have a feeling your nature is loving, kind and respectful. It’s the part of you that keeps choosing softness, even after life gives you every reason to close.
