This episode’s question comes from Ashley in San Diego: (3:43)
Question:
"I recently got upset at my child because they bluntly told me I was using my phone a lot. What can I do to make sure they'll continue to be open with me and share things in the future?"
The Goal:
Create an environment where kids feel safe and respected enough to be candid. This means encouraging kids to speak freely, even if what they share may feel hard to hear as a parent. When kids can express their feelings without fear, they learn to trust and build a more genuine, open relationship.
Common Misconception:
Many parents believe that allowing children to voice criticisms or frustrations is disrespectful. However, children who feel safe sharing their honest thoughts and frustrations with their parents are more likely to have strong relationships and confidence in the long run.
Staying on Track in Parenting:
- Understanding True Candor:
- Candor is giving kids the freedom to speak honestly to their parents, even about uncomfortable topics. When kids know they won’t be punished for sharing concerns, it strengthens trust and confidence.
- Being candid helps kids learn boundaries respectfully while creating space for authentic relationships. God models this in the Bible, giving us the freedom to come to Him with our frustrations, doubts, and even complaints.
- Hear It, Don’t Defend It:
- Respond to your child’s comments calmly, without shutting them down, even if the initial reaction feels defensive. This shows them you value their feelings and opinion.
- Practice patience and restraint when your child calls out something you may not even agree with. Encourage them to say more by asking, “What else are you feeling?” or, “What else would you like me to know?”
- Encourage Regular Candor and Look for Growth Opportunities:
- Seek out their thoughts when things are calm, even if nothing “big” is happening. A simple, “How am I doing as your parent?” can invite them to share safely.
- The goal is consistent communication rather than focusing on “getting it right” every time. Over time, kids will see this as a safe pattern.
Favorite Quotes from This Episode:
- “Kids need to tell you the hard things about yourself without fear of punishment.”
- “God doesn’t shut us down when we bring Him our hard questions—He wants to hear them.”
- “The more important thing isn’t that what they’re saying is fully right, but that they feel the freedom to say it.”
- “If our kids can’t be honest with us, we’ll never have a truly heart-connected relationship with them.”
Key Points Takeaways:
- Prioritize openness over correctness. Focus on making your kids feel safe in sharing thoughts over worrying about how accurate they are.
- Practice humble listening. Create a culture of honesty by giving your kids a voice and the assurance that what they say matters.
- Candor builds strong relationships. Candor done well will bring you closer and give you more insight into your child’s heart and mind.
Conclusion:
In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss the value of encouraging kids to speak freely, even when it means hearing uncomfortable truths. Using Ashley’s question as a springboard, they cover the importance of candor for building strong family relationships. In teaching kids to communicate honestly, parents model God’s willingness to listen to our questions, fears, and even complaints, creating a home culture where kids feel deeply valued.
Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com
- (00:00) - Intro
- (03:43) - Question, How do I encourage my kid to speak candidly and what do I do when they call me out on something?
- (03:57) - Discussion. How to teach kids to be candid and how to react well when your kid is candid.
