Arguments are rarely about anything surface level, author Esther Perel points out arguments with anyone are typically are about;

Power and control - Trust, care and closeness or Respect and recognition 

Power and control is about who decides, whose interests are more important and whose priorities count most.

Trust, care and closeness is wanting to know if you’re supported by this person, can they be trusted and do they have your best interest in mind.

Respect and recognition is about whether someone feels respected and valued by you, it's people wanting to feel acknowledged. 

Arguments are not about the dirty dishes left in the sink.

You can break the loop by recognising when someone is extremely angry or upset it's usually because they care.

Consider which of these 3 dynamics your arguments are fitting in to and work out how you can help each other through it with honesty about your feelings and needs. 

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