I have an idea for a novel where nothing about the story is good but it's also written in the same boring educated language that gets pumped into MFA programs. Or, better yet, I have a political Vice-brained collection of essays called something like "Democracy Fucking Yeah Right", and it's just trying desperately to be Hunter S Thompson but I lack all creative ingenuity and can't shit out a single line of original thought, and I don't even do drugs because I'm a millennial who's scared of death despite the fact that nothing in my life has ever mattered even once, so instead I'm secretly really into coffee or ethically sourced decaffeinated teas, and rather than having a life full of stories that tell a tale of American life I simply "travel" for "fun".