With her first book, Ask a Matchmaker: Matchmaker’s No-Nonsense Guide to Finding Love, the 4th-generation matchmaker encourages people to be honest about what they’re looking for in a partner, communicate their wants and needs directly, and stop wasting time on people who are inconsistent, unclear, or, as she calls them, “time thieves.” She delivers the kind of tough love that few people—outside of maybe a good therapist—are willing to give.

Her theories aren’t vapid trends like “black cat/golden retriever” or “high value man/high value woman.” Instead, she offers frameworks like green theory (her belief, based on color theory, that wearing green increases your success rate on a first date), or the Stanley Tucci theory (that men who like Stanley Tucci are more likely to be secure, sex-positive, and generous in bed). But perhaps her most impactful philosophy is the 12-date rule. Maria advises that, when dating with the intention of marriage, women should wait until 12 dates before sleeping with someone. She counts any in-person meet-up or phone call of at least 20 minutes up to 3 hours as one date (and says you can have a maximum of two dates in one day if you went on a marathon date). The idea is to give yourself space to actually focus on long-term compatibility and getting to know a person—without letting sexual chemistry cloud your judgment.

Every day, Maria receives messages from women all over who say that the 12-date rule has helped them enter their healthiest relationship and has also led to engagements—and what’s a better endorsement than that?

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