If you've ever felt too responsible for the emotional wellbeing of a family member, found yourself fixing a friend’s problem they didn’t ask you to fix, or said yes when your whole body screamed no, this conversation today is for you! I sat down with boundary expert and psychotherapist Terri Cole to talk about what she calls high-functioning codependency. It's the subtle, socially acceptable ways we overgive, overfunction, and override ourselves in the name of being “nice,” “helpful,” or “reliable.” But underneath it? Exhaustion, bitterness, and a creeping sense of being unseen or taken for granted. In October 2024, inspired by her own life experiences and that of her clients, Terri released her second book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency, where she breaks it all down with clarity and compassion—from the compulsive urge to offer advice (guilty!) to the “auto-accommodating” habits that chip away at our peace. We also talk about the cost of constantly managing other people’s feelings and what it means to love someone without turning their pain into your personal project. Whether you’re deep in people-pleasing recovery or just starting to recognize the patterns, this is a conversation that invites truth, humor, and above all, choice.

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