Affairs don’t always start with attraction — they often begin with emotional closeness that slowly crosses a boundary. In this Ask Charlotte episode, I'm answering listener questions about how to protect your relationship from emotional affairs, why betrayal can still hurt even when there hasn’t been physical intimacy, and what healthy friendship boundaries look like in marriage.
You’ll hear:💬 The early signs of emotional over-connection💬 Why emotional betrayal cuts so deeply💬 How to rebuild trust and keep closeness safe💬 What to consider when friendships with the opposite sex start to feel complicated
This episode will help you reflect on where you're at and how you can minimise the chances of betrayal impacting your relationship.
If you struggle to slow down, switch off, or stop feeling guilty when you rest — this episode is for you. So many of us are caught up in productivity culture, running on empty and living in a constant state of burnout and overwhelm. I want to help you change that.
In this conversation, I’m breaking down why true rest can feel so hard — from the way our nervous system reacts to stillness, to the hidden “unbearable feelings” that keep us stuck in go-mode — and how we can start to heal our relationship with rest.
I’ll walk you through:
Why rest is a vital part of mental health, self-care, and work-life balance — not a luxury.
How to reframe your self-talk (“I’m learning to rest” instead of “I’m bad at resting”) so change actually sticks.
Practical rest strategies you can use right now — including micro-rests, building restful spaces, setting rest goals, and scheduling downtime into busy days.
How modelling rest for your kids teaches them healthier coping skills — and how rest can boost creativity, problem-solving, and emotional resilience.
I also share some honest personal stories (including the one my husband and many podcast listeners still tease me about!) to show you that rest doesn’t have to look perfect — it just has to work for you.
If you’re tired of rushing, overworking, or always needing to “earn” your downtime, this episode will help you embrace rest as a daily practice — and build a calmer, more sustainable life that truly supports your wellbeing.
🎧 Press play, take a deep breath, and let’s start rewriting your story with rest — one pause at a time.
In this Ask Charlotte episode, I’m answering three listener questions that so many people wrestle with when it comes to faith, spirituality and church — and each one opens up an honest, compassionate conversation about what it means to believe (or not) in a changing world.
I recognise this episode won't be for everyone, but for the people whose story it fits, I hope it's helpful.
🌱 Question 1: “What do I do if I feel like I’m losing my faith — but I don’t want to?”
We unpack why faith shifts and deconstruction are a normal part of spiritual growth, how to navigate the grief that often comes with change, and how to nurture your spirituality when old beliefs no longer fit.
👶 Question 2: “How can I share faith with my kids when I don’t trust church — and my partner doesn’t believe?”
We explore practical, non-dogmatic ways to talk about God, Jesus and values, how to give children freedom of choice, and how to build a sense of meaning and ethics outside of traditional religion.
🏡 Question 3: “How do I know if a church is safe?”
From leadership power dynamics to financial transparency and red flags for spiritual abuse, I share key signs to look for — plus how to protect your autonomy and belong to a faith community without losing yourself.
Whether you’re questioning long-held beliefs, healing from church trauma, raising children in a mixed-belief household, or searching for a safer, more authentic spiritual home, this episode will meet you where you are — with honesty, nuance and hope.
🎧 Tune in for grounded guidance, real-life strategies, and a reminder that it’s OK for your faith story to evolve.
We’re told to “just forgive” — by our families, by religion, by self-help books — but almost nobody tells us how.
In this episode, I share a different way to think about forgiveness: not as a moment of sainthood or a spiritual badge of honour, but as a deeply human, mental and emotional process.
We’ll talk about why forgiveness is always optional, how to name and understand the barriers that keep you stuck, and how to plan practical steps that move you towards freedom — if that’s what you choose.
You’ll also hear how you can move forward while recognising that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, excusing, reconciling, or pretending it didn’t happen — and how approaching it as a process for your own healing can help you reclaim power, choice, and lightness in your life.
So many couples find themselves in a sexless relationship — often without ever talking about it. It's estimated that this is reality for as many as 20-30% of couples. And, mismatched libido is the top physical intimacy issue that couples report.
I've had lots of listener questions on this topic, so in today's episode I'm answering your questions.
- Does a sexless relationship mean our relationship is doomed?
- Am I right to feel like leaving my relationship over this?
- Is there something wrong with us?
- Can things ever change?
I talk about why mismatched desire is so common, what really sits underneath it, and how you can start to rebuild connection and closeness without shame, pressure, or blame. Spoiler: this is never a one person issue!
Comparison is something we all do — often without even realising it. Whether it’s about looks, parenting, achievements, or lifestyle, we constantly measure ourselves against others. But comparison doesn’t just steal our joy; it can fuel shame, perfectionism, and even take us off track from living in alignment with our own values.
In this episode, I unpack:
Why comparison is such a natural human instinct (hello, social comparison theory and evolutionary survival).
The link between comparison and our unbearable feelings — those emotions we most want to avoid.
How meaning-making turns innocent observations into painful self-criticism.
Practical ways to rewire your brain so comparison becomes a tool for growth, kindness, and clarity.
Real-life stories of learning from others rather than spiralling into “not enough.”
The hidden costs of comparison — to your identity, relationships, mental health, and spiritual life.
Why imperfection and authenticity are actually your biggest strengths.
If you’ve ever resonated with the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy” but wondered how to actually stop do it differently, this conversation is for you.
🎧 Listen in, and discover how to turn comparison around for good — into an opportunity to learn, clarify your values, and treat yourself with gentleness.
💬 Want to go deeper? After this episode, check out:
Overcoming Perfectionism (one of the most downloaded episodes)
The Self-Esteem Episode
Unbearable Feelings
Let’s make comparison kinder — and find more joy in being who you really are.
Follow me on Instagram @charlottethecounsellor or visit charlottecummings.nz for free resources.
In this Ask Charlotte episode of the Feel Better Podcast, we’re diving into some questions I've been asked by listeners about parenting neurodivergent kids. ✨ I explore:1) What to do when you’ve tried everything and are still facing epic meltdowns. 2) How to support siblings who live in the shadow of their neurodivergent brother or sister. 3) Ways to protect your own mental health while parenting through the challenges. If you’re in the trenches with exhaustion, meltdowns, and overwhelm—or if you’re looking for ways to keep the whole family thriving—this episode is for you. Parenting neurodivergent kids is tough, but you’re not alone, and there are practical strategies, mindsets, and supports that can help lighten the load.💬 Want to submit a question for a future Ask Charlotte episode?You can:Drop it in the weekly Instagram Stories question box (@charlottethecounsellor)Use the anonymous link in my bio or the show notesOr visit charlottecummings.nzThanks for trusting me with your questions—I hope this conversation helps you feel seen, supported, and a little more resourced for the road ahead.
Family estrangement is far more common than most people realise — and it’s one of the toughest things to navigate. In this episode, I talk about:Why estrangement is so complex and full of grief. The hard truth: nobody has a “right” to us, and we don’t automatically have a right to them.Boundaries vs. flexibility — why estrangement is always a grey area. How to handle triggers around birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries.Getting your partner on board and preparing for tricky conversations with extended family.The role of “unbearable feelings” in family breakdowns, and how reflecting on these can open a path forward.If your family has been touched by estrangement, I hope this episode brings you some understanding, solidarity, and tools to navigate the grief and the possibility of change.Find more support and resources on Instagram @charlottethecounsellor or at charlottecummings.nz.
In this episode of Ask Charlotte, I'm diving into your questions about mental health.
I answer:
1) What is PMDD?
2) How do I parent while struggling with my mental health? Including how to talk to kids about what's happening.
3) How do I support my partner while they're struggling with their mental health?
These are such important conversations, and I hope you’ll find something here that gives you comfort, clarity, or just the sense that you’re not alone in what you’re going through.
If you’d like to send in a question for a future episode, you’ll find the anonymous link in my Instagram bio or over at charlottecummings.nz.
Parenting neurodivergent kids can be both incredibly challenging and deeply meaningful. In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I share openly from my own experience of raising children in a neurodiverse household.
I talk about:
Why the way you see neurodivergence matters — shifting from deficit to recognising gifts.
The grief parents carry when life doesn’t look as expected, and how to process it.
Practical lessons I’ve learnt: making peace with meltdowns, understanding behaviour as communication, advocating without guilt, and letting go of comparisons.
Why self-care in micro-moments is essential, and how to nurture your relationship even when it feels impossible.
This is a real, compassionate look at the hard stuff — but also the beauty, depth, and unexpected gifts that parenting neurodivergent children can bring.
If you’re in the trenches right now, I want you to know you’re not alone.
👉 Follow me on Instagram @charlottethecounsellor
👉 Free resources: charlottecummings.nz
AND... If your relationship is struggling under the pressure of parenting neurodivergent kids, don't forget to check out my programme - Give Me 10 Minutes. Six weeks of therapy input for busy couples who can't make it to therapy!
In this episode of Ask Charlotte, part of the Feel Better Podcast, I continue the theme of building a healthier relationship with yourself by answering three powerful listener questions:
How do I make peace with my weaknesses, faults, and failures?
I share ways to bring compassion to your past, capture the lessons you’ve learned, and balance your strengths and weaknesses so you can move forward with greater peace.
How do I feel good enough?
I talk about why self-worth isn’t fixed and how liking yourself is something you can actively build. I draw on narrative therapy, reflect on my own journey, and introduce my “make your own cake” analogy.
How do I put myself first?
I explore how to reconnect with your own desires and goals, strengthen negotiation skills, work through emotional barriers, and build routines that support you. I also challenge the idea that self-care is only about being better for others—it matters because you matter.
This episode is packed with practical strategies, personal reflections, and compassionate reminders. My hope is that it encourages you to treat yourself with more kindness, and to believe that you are TOTALLY worthy of care and attention.
Want more connection in your relationship? Do these things.
Feeling distant from your partner? You’re not alone. Disconnection is one of the most common challenges couples face—but the good news is, there are simple, practical ways to restore closeness.
In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I share research-backed strategies and everyday habits that can bring you and your partner closer. From understanding “bids” for connection, to creating meaningful daily rituals, ways to share deeper feelings, to putting away your phone and finding small, enjoyable moments together—this is your roadmap to feeling more connected in your relationship.
You’ll learn:
The Gottman Institute’s concept of bids and why they’re game-changing.
Why little rituals like greetings, hugs, and check-ins matter more than you think.
How to create rhythms of connection that work in real life (not just in theory).
Ways to share feelings (not just facts) to deepen intimacy.
How to smooth out conflict so it doesn’t erode your closeness.
If you’re ready to feel more like a team again, this episode will give you practical reminders and encouragement to reset and reconnect.
✨ Want to go further? Check out my couples’ program Give Me 10 Minutes—a simple, six-week reset for your relationship. Find it at charlottecummings.nz.
🌿 How do I speak to myself in a kinder way?
💭 How do I begin to heal from purity culture?
⏳ And what do I do with my precious time away from kids and my spouse?
These are the three big (and very real) questions I’m answering in today’s Ask Charlotte episode of the Feel Better podcast — all sent in through my recent question box on your relationship with yourself 💛
Together we’ll explore:
✨ How to break the habit of negative self‑talk and replace it with real, grounded reassurance
✨ What recovery from purity culture can look like, including reclaiming your relationship with your body and your beliefs
✨ Practical ideas for using your alone time without guilt — and how to rediscover what actually feels good for you
This episode is all about strengthening your relationship with yourself so that you can show up in life with more clarity, self‑compassion, and energy.
🎧 Tune in now on the Feel Better podcast — let’s talk about what it really takes to feel better in your everyday life.
💔 Working on your relationship can feel exhausting — like nothing’s working and everything is harder than it should be. But there is a way through.
In today’s Feel Better podcast episode, I’m giving you a pep talk filled with practical ways to stay hopeful while your relationship is in the thick of change. You’ll learn how to:
💛 Spot the strengths you and your partner each bring to the table
💛 Build a support system around you
💛 Break down change into small, doable steps
💛 Map out what really needs work (instead of staying stuck in vague “we need better communication” loops)
💛 Keep hope alive by drawing on stories of others who’ve made big changes
This episode is all about helping you hold on to hope, find reassurance, and keep steady while you do the work of building a stronger future together.
🎧 Tune in now on the Feel Better podcast — your reminder that change is possible and relationships can be worth the work.
Welcome to Ask Charlotte - the fortnightly series within the Feel Better Podcast, where I answer listener questions. In this episode, I answer three brave listener questions about love, betrayal, and staying connected in marriage.
💔 Question One: Can couples recover from betrayal?
❓ Question Two: How do you decide whether to stay or leave?
🥀 Question Three: What if I feel so emotionally detached that intimacy gives me the “ick”?
I share practical advice, hopeful stories, and compassionate insights — from rebuilding trust after infidelity, to setting clear markers of change, to rediscovering emotional needs and intimacy.
Whether you’re navigating betrayal, wondering if you should stay, or feeling stuck in disconnection, this episode offers hope, guidance, and a way forward.
Ep. 92 – How to Build a Life That Feels as Good as It Looks
It’s easy to chase a life that looks successful — the job, the house, the highlight reel. But what if the outside doesn’t match how you feel on the inside?
In this episode, Charlotte explores the success paradox — the gap between outward appearances and our internal wellbeing — and what actually creates lasting happiness. From the science of relationships to the role of authenticity, self-compassion, and everyday moments of joy, this is a must-listen if you’re ready to do a gentle audit of your life.
🎯 Topics covered:
The danger of chasing "candy hit" happiness
Why relationships matter more than we realise
Living in alignment with your values
Building purpose into your daily life
How to stop comparing and start connecting
Why moments > milestones
Reflective questions to help you recalibrate
✨ Plus, get the free downloadable reflection questions mentioned in the episode at charlottecummings.nz
Many parents express frustration with getting their child talking about their feelings. You ask how their day went. Their response: "fine". You try to ask questions about school, friends, how they feel about things, and it's like pulling teeth.
Well, I'm here to help you up your game when it comes to getting your child talking!
This episode has a bit of a focus around getting them talking about their day, because that's a fundamental step in getting them talking generally about feelings. But, the key goal is getting your child to be good at talking about feelings in general.
Come and see what you can learn and try.
Get ready too for a little personal challenge - because it's hidden in there for you ;)
Well, if you've been following along lately you'll know that my family and I have moved towns. My kids have moved schools. We're starting over in a new place where we know hardly anyone! It's exciting, but it's also a bit overwhelming and some days I hate it and wonder what we've done!
It's been a big change. And people make big changes all the time - new jobs, going back to study, moving...
Come along and join me for this episode where I share some tips for how to support yourself through a big change. You might have change afoot in your own life, or just want to listen and tuck these ideas away for the future.
Enjoy!
Are you in a relationship? Come and join me for this episode where I share seven key issues I see in couples who come to me for counselling. This episode will help you reflect on where you might want to bring some focus in your relationship.
There's also a free download that goes with this episode, which is designed to support you and your partner to accurately identify and agree on 'What's wrong' in your relationship - the starting point of making anything better!
Holding realistic expectations for ourselves is a very real challenge. Day jobs, side hustles, community commitments, social lives, families, and OURSELVES! It's a lot to juggle.
In this episode I offer some advice on how to hold realistic expectations for yourself. Spoiler: this is something I struggle with and so I have a few work arounds for myself that I've refined over the years, that make a huge difference.
Come and join me and learn how to protect yourself from unrealistic expectations!