Don't you have to criticize your kids and spouse to motivate them? The answer is "No". Learn a different strategy that will help you kick the criticism habit.    Purchase our family-centered Social Emotional Learning program for kids here at DashintoHappy.com Purchase our open-and-go homeschool curricula at DashintoLearning.com   Show notes: Amelia’s experience with her new ponies Strength-based motivation contrasted with “criticism motivation” Creates defensivenesses  Need to disrupt negative strategies  Criticism is a habit of mind “Something’s wrong here” Strength-based motivation is good for relationships and for personal resilience Definition of Strength-based motivation  Example of child cleaning the kitchen poorly “Nothing I do is ever good enough” Laissez-faire parenting ends up in blow-ups and recriminations  Cooperate to assist in cleaning Volunteer to be the servant and boss Make the process relational as you include instruction Example 2: Being on time Find an instance that they are already mastering Validate the person’s strength Invite them to apply strengths to the new situation Find and acknowledge places that people are successful Criticism generates defensiveness Express faith and offer a support system Shaping behavior as a factor in strength based motivation  Definition of shaping behavior Freshman psychology class shaping behavior of professors  Don’t wait for perfection to reinforce behavior Amelia’s example of her daughter’s attitude Have conversation with daughter when she’s not upset A reminder cue  Solution-focused approach What can you keep doing that created the good results  Most of us use criticism 90% of time  Strength-based motivation could be 90% of motivation  This strategy can be used in all relationships regather than shaming and failure Gossiping and complaining  Say 3 nice things about that person or situation instead  When children are whining or complaining ask  What’s right about this situation? Then process what needs to change.  Teach and train before the negative behavior occurs.  Intentionally teach beforehand rather than just catching a child in a bad situation.  This strengthens the attachment relationship After a difficult situation you can ask your child to find 3 good things about the difficult situation  This helps your family culture to be more positive