Step 1 - Determining the Necessity of Confrontation

• Remembering Proverbs 19:11

• When to confront

• When it's impossible to forget the offense

• When the relationship with the person is strained

• When you suspect someone has something against you

• Avoiding the temptation to "chicken out"

• The Three Day Rule - Is it still bothering you after three days?  If yes, you need to confront it.

Host: Step 2 - Defining the Problem

Questions to ask:

• What's the issue?

• What was said or done?

• Identifying the sin

• Assessing the impact

• The necessary change

• Emphasizing the use of Scripture for rebuke and correction

Host: Step 3 - Getting the Log Out of Your Eye

• Understanding our own sins and temptations

• Galatians 6:1 and the importance of self-awareness

Host: Step 4 - Preparing Your Heart

• Motives for confronting

• Glorifying God

• Turning the person from sin

• Seeking reconciliation

• Cultivating right attitudes

• Gentleness, patience, humility, and genuine concern

• Ensuring your content is good

• The power of prayer in effective communication

Host: Step 5 - The Confrontation Process

• Speaking privately and choosing the right setting

• Affirming your affection for the person

• Sharing your concerns with biblical language

• Maintaining a spirit of inquiry and openness

• Offering biblical counsel and solutions

• Providing sufficient time for reflection

• Praying with and for the person

• Following up on the conversation

• Expressing affection and appreciation (if it went well)

• Moving to the next level of the Matthew 18 model (if necessary)

• Summarizing the importance of lovingly confronting sin

RESPONDING TO CONFRONTATION

1.      Listen humbly and prayerfully.

a.       If you need time to process- ask for time to process and pray about what has been said. (If you do this every time- you may have a heart problem of pride and unteachableness).

b.      Determine if and where you have sinned.

c.       Make an effort to get together with the one you have sinned against.

2.      Confess.

a.       Not only your words and actions, but also your motives.

b.      Express sorrow- See II Corinthians 7:9-11.

                                                              i.      For the act.

                                                            ii.      Consequences of your actions.

o   You are letting them know that you have caused pain, anxiety, or difficulty.

c.       Identify the lessons learned and the ways you are going to change.

3.      Ask for forgiveness.

4.      Thank and affirm.

RESPONDING TO A CONFESSION

1.      Tell the person you forgive him/her.  (Don’t say “It’s OK” or “Don’t worry about it”)- Sin is never OK!

2.      Thank the one seeking forgiveness for coming and confessing.

3.      Ask if he has any offense toward you as a result of the incident.

a.       If applicable, confess.

4.      Declare the episode over- dead and gone!

a.       Express your intent to walk fully reconciled to the person.

Nugget:  

“There are three dimensions to the peace that God offers to us through Christ: peace with God, peace with one another, and peace within ourselves.”

― Ken Sande, The Peacemaker