Scene: It’s late November. Establishing Shot, Internal: A person walking into Target. Close Up Shot of protagonists: We see their eyes darting back and forth, pupils widening in what the audience understands as fear. Dutch Angle Shot: The Starbucks employee removing the sign for Pumpkin Spice Lattes to quickly replace it with a sign promoting the seasonal Peppermint Mocha. Our protagonist begins to sweat, we follow a single bead of sweat rolling from their forehead to their temple. They know the season is upon them. They retrieve a shopping cart and begin walking when over the loud speaker, a familiar sound begins to play. It’s reminiscent of a musical box, but instead of lulling them to sleep it signals the beginning of the end. That’s when we hear the all too familiar “I don’t want a lot for Christmas…” Our protagonist falls to their knees in utter defeat and anguish, it’s over. The end times are here. Christmas music is upon us and there’s nothing we can do but accept our fate as the captive audience for Mariah Carey’s annual vampiric ritual of stealing all of our collective psychic energy through the prevalence of her siren song in every facet of our lives. Insta: @existentialshredcast Theme Song: SWISS by D3adrum (Insta: @d3adrum) Artwork by Garlic Hero (Insta: @thegarlichero)