In this episode of Exception Seekers, therapist and educator Jake Ernst shares his insights on relational therapy, and the need for a societal shift that recognizes the critical importance of human connection. Jake encourages us to reframe how we approach mental health, especially with children, so that we can look past the idea of individual skill sets and consider mental health as a system of relationships to be nurtured. This episode touches on the impact of social media, recognizing passive versus active technology use, the myth of self-regulation, and all things in between, Jake’s humility, curiosity, and emphasis on relational context stand out as deeply humanizing and hopeful, as he shares ideas on how to build connection with young people.
Important Messages
Co-Regulation as a Foundation: Jake emphasizes that co-regulation is a prerequisite for self-regulation. Children (and adults) need safe, emotionally attuned relationships before they can regulate themselves. This idea challenges models that expect individuals, especially young kids, to "self-regulate" in isolation.
Mattering matters: of the three entry points into helping kids co-regulate, Jake highlights that “mattering”- having a meaningful significance in someone's life - is important and very often missed. Jake shares ideas on how adults can help young people feel like they matter.
Healing Requires a Shift from 'Fixing' to Relating: the conversation critiques cultural and therapeutic models that promote "fix the child" or "learn to regulate" approaches without acknowledging the relational, systemic, and social environments that shape those needs. Jake stresses the importance of relational health over rigid behaviour correction.
Not all Screens are Created Equal: Jake shares his interest in investigating social media and technology on human development and its impact on our ability to connect with others in real life.
We’re All Performing Something: Jake shares that he realized early in life that people are often "performing" roles, and liberation came from releasing himself from that pressure. It allowed him to simply be, rather than perform what he thought he should be.
Resources Mentioned:
Clinical Practice: Straight Up Health (https://www.straightuphealth.ca/)
Podcast: This Isn’t Therapy (https://open.spotify.com/show/0gvAhpRsaI8lDip7B1Jpi9)
Social Media: @mswjake
