Emily & Meg explore what is at the root of toxic relationships. They examine why they feel a pull toward them in their personal life and the two tips they use to recognize when they are dealing with a toxic person: tuning in to our bodies after an interchange & journaling the objective facts and the “story” I have created about this person/relationship.
“We all have traits of these toxic patterns within us. But the difference is that we are self-aware and curious about them.”
“What you didn’t get from your parents, the ways we didn’t get witnessed by them, we now seek in our partner.”
“It feels like me grasping instead of being in my power.”
“Sometimes we meet toxic people in life who teach us lessons, depending on how self-aware we are. Then it's time to move on"
“We are actually two people - the child within and the parent. We now have the power to get out of our victim/story mode”
“If you check-in with yourself after an interaction and you feel drained, exhausted, or polluted, that’s a sign you just had a toxic interchange.”
“If I just study more, read more, it becomes a protection measure and another perfectionistic tendency….it’s a self-correcting tendency, which blocks us from tuning in.”
“We are primed by movies and the cultural implications of those and we grow up to think about toxic foreplay as romantic.”
“Seeking what we need from the wrong people is due to something in us we need to heal. What is the original source of that drive?"
“Maybe you aren’t a ‘loser’ because you attract toxic relationships. It might be that you are amazing at relationships. It’s not just as simple as: you want something from them emotionally. They want something from you, too"
“I am going to look at my responsibility and see if i can change the dynamic. But sometimes you have to just get the f*ck away from these people without feeling guilty.”
“As soon as the word ‘should’ comes out of your mouth, then you know you "should" be checking-in with yourself.”
“Instead of saying ‘should’ say ‘could.’”
References from the episode:
“Opposites Attract” by Paula Abdul
“Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places” by Johnny Lee
Nicola Tesla
Inner Bonding
Epigenetics
Bonobos Monkeys
Tyler Shulz
“Tricky” by RunDMC
For further exploration, we loved this book:
The Highly Sensitive Person's Guide to Dealing with Toxic People: How to Reclaim Your Power from Narcissists and Other Manipulators by Shahida Arabi, MA
Original Art by Meg Miller