Episode 83: The Summer I Turned Pretty S2E5-6
We're still drowning in Cousins Beach drama where the Fisher boys discover that trust funds require actual lawyers (shocking!), teenagers commit light breaking and entering at a country club, and someone thought spray-painting a soon-to-be-sold beach house was peak party energy.
What You're Getting Into: Aunt Julia pulls a speed-moving miracle and clears out the entire house while the kids are at the boardwalk, triggering a series of questionable decisions including: squatting at a country club overnight, fashioning an apple bong with random rich people weed, and throwing the kind of rager that would make any insurance adjuster weep.
Peak Dumpster Moments:
The Flashback Extravaganza: We get Jere's internal monologue for once (still boring), featuring: Thanksgiving dinner where he watches Conrad and Belly hold hands across the table, his bisexual prom date reveal, and Conrad asking permission to tell Belly he loves her. Because nothing says healthy relationships like requiring your brother's blessing.
Questionable Life Choices Corner: Conrad discovers he can consult a lawyer about accessing his trust fund early (groundbreaking!), while Belly gets uninvited from volleyball camp in a subplot that goes absolutely nowhere and matters to literally no one.
The Canape Deep Dive: We spend an unreasonable amount of time defining what exactly a canapé is (it's basically fancy bruschetta on a tiny toast, you're welcome), and ranking the worst types of hard liquor because why not?
Romance Update: Taylor and Steven finally make their move after he remembers her middle name (Madison - apparently the bar is on the floor), while Sky and Cam kiss with what our hosts describe as "a lot of teeth clanging." Meanwhile, Belly continues her tour of drunken emotional breakdowns, this time drunk-dialing her mom from a trashed house.
The Writer Cameo: Jenny Han herself appears briefly in the liquor store scene, presumably checking to make sure her source material is being properly butchered.
Coming Up: We tackle The Map That Leads to You, a Netflix romance featuring "throwaway actors nobody's heard of" (Scott's words) from Riverdale and Outer Banks. Expect European backdrops, shared trauma, and our hosts debating whether any actor is truly irreplaceable.
The Verdict: These episodes pick up the pace with actual party chaos, but still manage to drag with unnecessary flashbacks and a volleyball subplot that could've been cut entirely. At least we finally got some consequences... sort of. Aunt Julia's negotiating a one-week annual rental, which seems like the worst possible compromise for everyone involved.