Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. Narcissistic parents often choose to cross, ignore or erase one boundary…the EMOTIONAL boundary…and that is one too many. They do everything in their power to engage in emotional warfare. As the parent, they know their child’s weaknesses all too well, so will be sure to choose their words carefully…pushing as many buttons and pulling as many heartstrings as possible. My mind was the first boundary that was non-existent for my mom. But, she didn’t stop there. She didn’t acknowledge boundaries AT ALL, becoming what I call a ‘free range parent.’ In her sick and twisted brain, my mind AND body were her property. For me and me alone, nowhere was safe. Crossing emotional boundaries was/is bad enough. But, choosing to cross, ignore and erase all boundaries has left me with more scars than I can count.   

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. In this episode, I am going to explore why a certain two letter word used to get stuck in my throat. As a child of narcissistic parents, NO really wasn’t an option. In my mind, that would lead to more rejection, more arguments and more alienation. However, once I realised that I was on this emotional rollercoaster ride ALONE, I knew that I had to speak up and stand up for myself. I had to have my own back. I can’t put a finger on exactly when there was a HUGE shift in my thinking. It was gradual and took many years…which included many tears, much heartache, endless conversations, serious disappointment and TONS OF LOSS. I can now say - wholeheartedly - that NO is a complete sentence. I hope you can come to the same conclusion…in your own time…in your own way. Learn to say NO. Full stop.  

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. Can you believe it? We are celebrating 50 episodes of Daughters Who Dare! In this episode, I am sharing a short story I felt compelled to write. I listened to my heart and put the words down on paper.  Have a listen. I hope it helps to demonstrate how it felt and continues to feel to be a daughter of narcissistic parents. The short story ends, but my story doesn’t end there. It happens again…and again…and again. Due to the endless ‘heart invasions’ I have experienced, I knew one thing for sure. If I was blessed to have children, I would choose to love them fiercely.  I was blessed. I am blessed. I chose AND choose to love my children fiercely…NO MATTER WHAT!    

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. We spend our lifetime ‘building ourselves’ …who we are - what we believe - what we think - who and what we love…and so on. If we step back a moment and look at what we’ve built - or should I say - who we built, we can be proud of the person we built…the person we have become. Whether we do that at 18, 25, 30, 40 or 60, the bubble of pride can be popped instantly. In this episode, the pin holder is the narcissist parent (no surprise there!) Like a human wrecking ball, they can reduce our self-worth to a pile of rubble. They can cause total destruction or knock us off balance. Either way, we are left to rebuild…piece by piece. And, to make things worse, we never know when it is going to happen. It could be a social media post, a letter, a phone call, a text message, a song or nothing out of the ordinary. Others may find any of these insignificant. I am not others. I am not going to apologise for my reaction. I will not be ashamed of the way it makes me feel. I will, however, give myself permission to feel ALL of the feels. 

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. For the purpose of this episode, I want you to imagine me stood on my soapbox.  I am about to preach! I say these things to all of us…including me. Having reached the ripe old age of 60, I have come to many conclusions. Today, I present you with 10 of them. I encourage you to listen and - if you want - take notes.  Once the episode is finished, I challenge you to do the same. You may not feel confident to go public. That’s okay. Instead, stand in front of your bathroom mirror and preach your truths. Create your own soapbox moment. Sometimes, we all need to hear our own voice.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. In this episode, I am discussing the biggest decision I ever had to make and, the crazy thing is, I had to make it on four separate occasions.  No one can tell you if, how or when to do it. I am going to walk you through each decision…all 4 of them…because they all happened at different stages of my life and each one was unique.  How did I come to my decision to go No Contact with my narcissistic parents? You’ll have to listen to find out. Remember, I had no example to follow. I had no one cheering for me on the sidelines and I had no podcast to listen to. Haha. With each decision came some BIG FEELS. Some of mine may surprise you. The bottom line is I am proud that I made those choices.  However, I am still learning how to live with my choices.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.   This will come as no surprise! No matter where we turn, there are countless injustices in the world. Whether we are walking down the high street in major cities, turning on the news or scrolling on our phone, we are bombarded with many examples of injustice. All of the scenarios I mentioned are injustices that are happening around us. They are external. We do have the luxury of closing our eyes, burying our head in the sand or living in a bubble if we want. But, what if the injustices take up space in our mind - our heart - and our body? What if we aren’t given the luxury of escape? What if the injustices aren’t things we have seen, read or heard, but have experienced for a lifetime? What if those injustices were committed by those who should be protecting us? What if we are the children of those who inflict those many injustices? We have no choice but to learn to live with it. Where is the justice in that? Well, I will tell you. My justice is my life. My justice is the woman I have become and continue to become. I win!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. One of my favourite childhood books was written by Dr Seuss. I remember it being both endearing and hilarious. A baby bird falls out of the nest and begins a quest for his mother. Along the way, he asks a kitten, a cow, a plane, a tugboat and a digger. As he confronts each one, he asks, ‘Are you my mother?’ I didn’t fall out of a nest, but I did go on a quest of my own. However, the question I asked sounded a bit different. I would look at my mom and say, ‘How could you be my mother?’ I knew what kind of mother I imagined and mine was nothing like her. That reality and the utter disappointment that came with it didn’t prevent me from pursuing and fulfilling my lifelong dream of becoming a mother. For the past 30 years, I have been living my dream and have completed my quest. I couldn’t (and can’t) change the mother I have, but I chose to become the mother I had always imagined.   

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. When I think about my grandparents, I am amazed at their choices…their actions…their words…and their gift of being truth seers. What I love about those who dare, including my grandparents, is that there isn’t one script, one method or one set of rules. Those who DARE can look very different and sound very different. The way my grandparents DARED looked very different to mine. But, because they did, I had bucketloads of HOPE. As I have said before, “Where there is love, there is hope.”I may be a daughter who dares to speak my mind, who is prepared to confront my narcissistic parents, and who isn’t willing to sacrifice who I am and what I believe. That may not be how you choose to dare. That’s ok.  You do you.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. I can’t imagine that I am the only child who spent hours constructing the ‘perfect’ house of cards. It took patience, concentration and skill. Every time I found myself staring at a huge puddle of playing cards, I would become even more determined to make the next one stronger and more robust. The more houses I built, the better my construction would become. It all boiled down to one thing…the foundation. In a very real way, these card houses remind me of a child’s foundation years. Parents have choices in the ‘building’ of their child’s foundation. I bet you can guess what mine looked like. But, it didn’t have to be a life sentence of gloom and doom.  Throughout life, people have found me, our paths crossed, relationships formed and love was given/received. Each time that happened, the love began to fill in the cracks…making my foundation stronger and more resilient…making me who I am today.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. I need to have a serious conversation with my body - especially my heart. We have had different agendas for most of my life. I have only ever wanted to live a happy, peaceful, fun-filled life. My heart, on the other hand, decided to turn things into a life-long game of cat and mouse…without a reason to run. Somehow, my heart has convinced me that I am a fugitive on the run. Why? I haven’t committed a crime! For many trauma survivors, this battle is REAL. I have lived with this struggle all my life without understanding what it was and why my body was behaving that way.  Sit back and learn what I discovered.  Maybe you can stop running too.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. One word that has been with me…every step of the way…is BELIEVE. It isn’t  just  about others believing me or believing in me, but is also about my journey of self-belief. I learned, early on, that trying to convince narcissistic parents to see the real me and recognise my truth was a hopeless cause. I had to look outside my given family to find those willing to listen. When people responded with doubt, needed proof or offered patronising solutions, I shut down. Eventually, I found those trusted souls who listened, accepted and believed. Be that person. Be the one who believes.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. We all have a story to tell.  But, that doesn’t mean we HAVE to tell it. Some stories have been written and never told…ever. Some have been told to a few trusted souls. And, some have been shared publicly, having been documented in print and/or on the screen.There was a HUGE shift in my life when I realised that I get to choose my own narrative…when I acknowledged and believed that it is MY story to tell and only I get to hold the pen. Some of you may be thinking, “Isn’t that obvious? Of course it’s yours!” I hear you. I understand your confusion.In my defense, my life story didn’t always feel like mine. At times, others took the pen right out of my hand, created their own plots, fabricated their own version of events and sprinkled the pages with their lies. Not any more. I am the one and only author of my story.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. I believe everyone has one. I say one, but, make no mistake. That one can encompass a minefield of things. They can be played…and, goodness me…are they played! But, the many facets of who, why and when they are laid on the table can make all the difference. Ironically, we don’t often see them. If we stood in a large circle in a room full of friends and strangers - and threw them all into a huge pile - I would dare say we would struggle to match each one with its corresponding owner… whether we knew each other or not.  What am I talking about? You’ll just have to listen to find out. 

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. We all have a mountain to climb. I feel like I am on the top of the mountain-the same mountain I have been climbing all my life. I look down and see many more climbers - all doing their best to overcome obstacles, face their demons and beat the odds, while demonstrating resilience and determination. I find myself shouting words of encouragement and affirmation - wanting each climber to believe…to hope…and dig deeper when they feel discouraged. I wish I could just throw them a rope - a lifeline of sorts - and pull them up with me…saving them the pain, frustration and heartache…but, I can’t. We all have a mountain to climb. We can do it! We’ve got this! Look at us now!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. Ever since I can remember, I have been an inquisitive person. Call me Nancy Drew. (just like the fictional character in those books written by Carolyn Keene and others) When I began to recognise how different my mom was and, more importantly how different she was treating me, I wanted to know WHY. But, unlike Nancy’s, my investigation couldn’t be solved. Instead of clarity and clues, I ended up collecting more confusion. The biggest problem was, I didn’t know what I was looking for. Most children would have asked their parents for help. That wasn’t an option.  One thing was for sure, my mother’s narcissistic traits were only one spoke of her wheel of maternal madness. I had to identify, decipher, cope with and attempt to understand all of her spokes at once. I couldn’t just pick one. What would Nancy do?

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. When most people think of their childhood fears, many lists would include monsters, ghosts, spiders and being in the dark. But, depending on anyone’s particular childhood experience, there may be a specific item that does not appear on anyone else’s list. I have one such item. For most of my life, I kept my greatest fear to myself, hoping and praying that it would never come true.  It all stemmed from one question, “Who is going to believe me, anyway?” It is only when I found someone who believed me…truly believed me AND in me…that I could erase that fear from my list. Next item-frogs.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. Most often, when we attend a wedding, we have no say in the seating arrangements. As a result, many of us have spent entire days making small talk and experiencing awkward gaps in conversations. Weddings only last a day. Phew!Life can be cruel. For nearly half of my life, the people who sat at my table were GIVEN to me. If I was surrounded by strangers, the alienation and loneliness would have made sense. I always showed up - whatever the event - and I was showing up alone. In order for things to change, I had to take ownership of my table. Name cards were removed. Each new card was written by me as each guest was CHOSEN by me. Now, when I come to the table, I see those I chose to be with. I no longer allow life to make the seating arrangements. I hold the pen.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. Can we talk about voices? How often do we stop and think about how much voices matter in our lives? It would be safe to say we all have certain voices we long to hear, while others we dread hearing…even for a moment. Whether those voices are heard - literally - or can only be heard in our minds, they can turn our world upside down. Sadly, for children of narcissistic parents, time nor distance can MUTE the undesired, uninvited, hurtful voices. However, there is one, HUGE, silver lining. The words will be heard but don’t have to be believed.  I still hear my parents’ voices - inside and out - but I don’t believe a word they say. 

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope. Winning Tug of War is dependent on several factors, such as:  an equal distribution of strength, the readiness of both parties and pre-existing wounds or scars. As a child of narcissistic parents, there isn’t a referee handy to check and monitor the equality, readiness or limitations of both parties, which creates an emotional imbalance from the start. So much of this emotional tug of war just doesn’t make sense. Throughout the years, I have learned how to let go of the rope - to disengage - giving me time to reflect, change perspectives and to heal. It has made such a difference. Perhaps it is time for you to put down the rope and step away. I mean…we never asked to participate in this crazy game.