This chapter of I said you heard, (by Jonathan Hassall) chapter 2 How we got here,  explores common relationship challenges when one partner has ADHD, focusing on the "evolution of doubt" that can arise from misunderstandings related to inconsistent actions and perceived intentions. In this I examines reactive behaviors, rationalizations, a focus on failure, and the anticipation of failure as problematic patterns in neurodiverse relationships. The chapter further discusses the dynamic where one partner becomes the "ADHD expert"or adopts a "parenting" role, alongside issues of perceived lack of empathy and the need for processing time. Ultimately, the source advocates for understanding, adaptation, and a focus on the relationship itself rather than solely on the individual with ADHD to foster healthier connections. Please join our AI minions as they discuss key aspects of the chapter in this special advance release.