[3 year special] Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya took a trip down memory lane on her 3 years of experiences amidst her college journey—from (1) first year where she struggled to join orgs and find/establish her 'identity', (2) second year where she struggled to juggle both academics and org works alongside new duties and responsibilities which forcefully made her take one year of hiatus in updating her podcast, and lastly (3) third year where she struggled the most in maintaining her social life in place. This episode signifies the hardships she already conquered and some of which that she's yet to overcome.

NOTE: Level 2 was skipped, but we'll make bawi in the next years to come ^^

I am so proud of you, past Aya. :>

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya attempts to catch up from her 3-month hiatus away from her podcast.  Honestly, it wasn't like a hiatus; instead, it's more like: (1) her not finding the time to squeeze in editing her raw recordings, (2) she cannot figure out the right timing and intentionally delaying her uploads because some are TMI which means too-much-information, and (3) she thinks it's inappropriate to publish her irrational thoughts as it may add fuel to the flames. This episode is also inspired by the famous combination of 'ketchup and fries'—only this time around, it's about Aya's unfiltered emotions, hence, catsup and cries. 2022 became the year of her traumas, overwhelming opportunities, and dreadful initiatives. Watch how Aya claims 2023 as the year where she takes a step further towards self-growth: improving her mindset more, not constantly 'perfecting' her progress and instead save a room for mistakes, and last but not the least, maintaining consistency in an unpredictable world.

Happy New Year!

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya proceeds to flip another page from Chapter 18 to Chapter 19. Over the past year of being a pre-adult, she discovers a game-changer about life: adulting doesn't actually begin at 18th, it begins at 20th. With this, she starts her journey towards the "ghost age"—a commonly-used term for when you're not a minor anymore but you're not really an adult either. Watch how Aya introduces her new and improved mindset about BIRTHDAYS + character development from her 18 years of existence.

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya uploads a long overdue episode about her regrets as a daughter, as a student, and ultimately—as a human. We all go through regrets, right? It just so happens that Aya undergoes a path that she did NOT expect to pursue. Something that she didn't plan and instead threatened her consistent and comfortable routine towards life as a 'normal' college student.  Watch how Aya narrates her life of regrets from her early childhood up until the chaos of today. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya, at last, manages to squeeze into her schedule this long overdue episode for the month of April. She's been having very little time for herself lately that the only time for her rest is either for sleep or for distracting her anxiety by watching K-dramas. Regardless, this episode talks about a specific trait of Aya—which is her, detaching from people once she enters her self-destructive mode AKA when her life hits rock bottom. Plus, she realized a seasonal anxiety that occurs whenever a situation is badly affecting her daily life e.g. every time she wake up—enough spoiling. Watch Aya spill more quick April rants and teas that happened in a span of a month. 

P.s. I realized my title is "M.A.D."   

:D

[Warning: Sensitive Content] Hmm...The clouds are crying today, and so is Aya. In this episode, she faces an abrupt trauma. Abrupt meaning very sudden or unexpected; and Trauma meaning an emotional response to a distressing event where you experience an extreme series of fear, shock, and panic. This incident not only worsened Aya's anxiety but her mood shifted from one to another in a rapid state and opened a deep wound from her childhood. The episode talks ONLY about her experiences and not about what to do when trauma happens, because even she, does not know what to do after experiencing it yet again. Her segments were divided into two: 2 hours after trauma and 9 days after trauma. Watch how Aya deals with her post-traumatic stress and midnight panic attacks just as she tried to conquer her own silent battle in the midst of her finals week. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya finally finds the time to record an episode in a brief moment inside her home—which has long been a part of why she's podcasting at her bathroom all alone. Let's be honest, a home doesn't necessarily means cozy environment immediately. Sometimes, it's one of the main causes why you grew up in a certain box/space or how you grew up perceiving life. It's even harder when you know you can't do anything about it especially you've been living at this 'home' for the past 18 years. Watch how Aya relates the idea of her own environment to her academes, her plans as an adult, and most importantly, her, suffocating from a place called home...

[Listen at your own risk...] Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya shares a glimpse of what it looks like when an extreme overthinker experiences anxiety attack every once in a while. This episode consists of three compilations of her anxiety attacks, on three different months, named after three kinds of thoughts—intrusive, latent, and un(necessary) thoughts. Anxiety attacks, also known as panic attacks are episodes of intense panic, fear, or anxiety. They usually occur unexpectedly for no apparent reason, but they can also be linked to specific triggers. During an anxiety attack, people may experience overwhelming panic, fear, loss of control, chest pain, trouble breathing and other signs of worry. Anxiety can occur during everyday life, it could be fleeting or it could persist and build. Watch how Aya shows a surface level of anxiety attacks and how it affects her on a day-to-day basis. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya summons her very first guest (finally! wooo). Teri, a crackhead friend that often shares the same wavelength as her, also known as Jannah the deluh suhl bish that Aya met on discord—early 2021. Now without any hesitation, she initiates a common ground topic for both of them which is: freeloading. This term is widely used for people who takes advantage of other people's generosity without giving anything in return. Hence, in an academical context they are called the 'dumbells'. All they do is move their responsibilities to another person's life and so in return, the victims of the freeloaders are burdened...enough spoiling, let's just learn from our guest, shall we? 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya ends 2021 with a phrase: Bye, Felicia. It is a slang way of dismissing someone. Sometimes it is to express disregard or indifference to someone, as if to say, “That’s it. I’m done putting up with you. I’m so over this. Goodbye.” 2021 was not the best year, it wasn't thoroughly the ideal year to promote her growth as an individual. In fact, neither of the past two years made her feel like there was enough room for change along with the pandemic that took a toll on everyone's mental health. However, this doesn't mean that she will be stagnant during these pandemic years, the hunger for self love and mental stability is what keeps her motivated and will still be 'til 2022 comes. Let's just hope that next year, she will be more open and kind to herself. Watch how Aya, at last, leaves the past behind—not totally forgetting about it, but to acknowledge it now and to not let her past decisions affect her upcoming ones, especially this next year. 

Happy New Year! 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya approaches her past stories to gradually close it behind and leave it on her past. Often times closures aren't acknowledged and some, aren't necessary at all. But why do we, humans feel the need to close something when we know it's bound to be left unresolved not unless you sew it up on your own? Why is it that we think of closures as the answer to alleviate our pain and confusion from the past? Watch how Aya discusses the remnants of the old days that weren't closed enough because she wasn't sure; and as to why she feels it's something that ties her from moving forward. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya went on a mini-hiatus (that didn't really affect anyone—not even her own podcast.) HOWEVER, that doesn't mean she continued to aim for hard work all throughout her rest days. In fact, she came to a halt after realizing a couple of overwhelming things on her surrounding that may or may not have influenced her way of thinking. 

The use of a semicolon ";" symbolizes a choice to keep going rather than end—consequently, continue and/or start anew without forgetting the past behind. Watch how Aya slowly unlearns one miniscule part of her mindset that she knows sooner or later she has to get rid of, but can't completely do it. It's a matter of choosing between letting other people decide when she needs to pause, or to let herself guide her own time. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya unwillingly flips another page from the end of Chapter 17 towards the start of Chapter 18. Yes.. that's right, she will be starting from page 1 again as she uncovers a chapter that symbolizes the start of her adulthood. This episode serves as the annual tradition wherein she'll be listening to this for every year added to her age. Watch how Aya expresses her worries and thoughts about her BIRTHDAY. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya finally finishes her 1st term at her 1st year of college. There's still a long long way to go though haha! With the rain, cozy atmosphere, and without any internet, Aya blatantly exposed her love and hate relationship with money ever since she was a child. Watch how Aya clears up her mind by thinking about money, ka-ching! 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya stops everything she's doing amidst her finals period—to take a small break and talk about being vulnerable. Come to think of it, she became too vulnerable to a point where REAL people were listening to her innermost-thoughts on her safe space, hence, this podcast. That's also the reason why she wanted to clear things about vulnerability in both the bad side and the good side of it. Watch how Aya slaps herself with her own words whilst giving advice to people who thinks of vulnerability in the not-so-good manner.

REMEMBER: Being vulnerable is different from being weak!