One of the most destructive patterns in marriage is the belief that we can change our spouse. Whether it's through manipulation, guilt, or constant criticism, these efforts inevitably lead to resistance and resentment. After nearly three decades of marriage, the reality becomes clear: you cannot change another person against their will.Real change in marriage happens when the pain of remaining the same exceeds the pain of changing. People resist transformation largely due to fear—fear of failure, uncertainty, or vulnerability. However, there are three powerful approaches that create an environment where positive change can flourish. First, extend grace by creating a safe space where your spouse can make mistakes without harsh judgment. Focus on their efforts rather than their shortcomings. Second, pray consistently about your concerns instead of constantly voicing them to your spouse. This allows God to work in both your lives—often changing circumstances that necessitate growth while simultaneously softening your own heart. Finally, celebrate positive changes when they occur, reinforcing progress through genuine appreciation and acknowledgment.By shifting your focus from trying to fix your spouse to creating conditions where growth can happen naturally, you'll discover that transformation becomes possible. This approach requires patience and humility, recognizing that sometimes our critical attitudes are actually preventing the very changes we desire to see. The path to a thriving marriage isn't found in controlling your partner but in surrendering your frustrations to God and allowing Him to work in both your hearts.