Chaos is inevitable—especially on Patch Tuesday. This week, Chris and I dive into four juicy stories that highlight just how strange, scary, and downright ridiculous the world of tech can be. Buckle up.

🪟 Microsoft is now rolling out a Windows Update framework for third-party apps. That’s right—your janky software updater might get replaced with a system that actually works… or works too well. Imagine every random app on your PC suddenly deciding it's update time. Will this be a blessing or just another reboot roulette? https://techcommunity.microsoft.com/blog/windows-itpro-blog/introducing-a-unified-future-for-app-updates-on-windows/4416354

🧮 NIST and CISA want to make vulnerability scoring suck less. Enter LEV—Likely Exploited Vulnerabilities. It's a new system meant to bridge the gap between CVSS severity and the real-world exploitability of threats. Does it work? No clue yet. Is it better than sifting through 10,000 false alarms? Almost certainly. https://www.securityweek.com/vulnerability-exploitation-probability-metric-proposed-by-nist-cisa-researchers/

📡 ASUS routers have joined a new botnet called "AyySSHush" (seriously?). Hackers are hijacking popular ASUS models, disabling security features, and creating SSH backdoors that laugh in the face of firmware updates. Pro tip: factory reset your router, and maybe stop exposing your home network to the internet like it’s 1999. https://www.theregister.com/2025/05/29/8000_asus_routers_popped_in/

🛡️ Microsoft Defender got punked by a tool called DefendNot. It tricks Windows into thinking a different antivirus is running, which causes Defender to voluntarily shut itself down. Hilarious. Terrifying. Mostly hilarious. Defender can now detect it, but still—nice one, internet. https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/news/microsoft/new-defendnot-tool-tricks-windows-into-disabling-microsoft-defender/